


Going Rogue

by theoriginalicecreamqueen



Series: Coldflash Week 2017B [7]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Begins with a panic attack, Coldflash Week 2017, M/M, Metahuman Registration Act, Metahuman Rogues, Mob Boss Leonard Snart, Panic Attacks, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 16:29:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12708684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoriginalicecreamqueen/pseuds/theoriginalicecreamqueen
Summary: Everybody knows the leader of the Rogues, Leonard Snart, is a scoundrel. He lies, steals, and hurts people. Worst of all, he is also Central City’s most famous supporter of metahumans. Barry is one of the only people that knows Snart better as Len, the fiercely loyal, secretly loving man who is probably world’s worst (best) ex-boyfriend.





	Going Rogue

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm way late, but this fic just kept growing! I hope you all enjoy.

**_11:17pm on October 6, 2017 - The Abandoned Pullman’s Shipping Warehouse, Keystone_ **

 

Barry was covered in blood. The splatter pattern was indicative of a low-velocity penetrating wound to a major artery. Barry identified similar wounds from blood splatter patterns hundreds of times during his career. He could’ve figured this one out after his first month as a CSI.

 

This time Barry already knew though. He didn’t have to try and piece together the blood or the crime scene around it.

 

There was a dead man on the ground, and Barry was covered in the man’s blood because he was the killer. He’d taken a knife and shoved it in the man’s throat. It had pierced the jugular, killing the man almost instantly.

 

It wasn’t his fault though! Barry hadn’t wanted to hurt anyone. The man attacked him first. He’d been beating Barry, and cutting his clothes off with alarming speed and accuracy. The man wanted to - _was going to_ \- hurt him, maybe even kill him, but Barry had killed him first.

 

The knife - Barry’s murder weapon - had cleaved his shirt in two, and it had a caused a long slice down Barry’s chest as well. The man’s fingerprints would be all over it. After all, it hadn’t belonged to Barry. Not until he’d taken it. Barry had to kill the man, or he was going to do awful things to him. Right? He was using the knife on Barry, and just because he healed quickly, it didn’t mean the injuries hadn’t been agonizing.

 

Only, there wasn’t a single cop at the CCPD that would believe him. Not even Joe would be able to side with Barry, not with his wounds already healed. Barry didn’t have a single scratch left on him by the time the man had gurgled his last breath, and most of his own blood was covered by his attacker’s. There was no way he wouldn’t be immediately arrested.

 

Even if he was desperate enough to admit he was a metahuman, he’d be immediately tossed in jail for violating the Metahuman Registration Act, and he’d never get out of the Star Labs pipeline. It was over a year past the registration deadline. His only consolation was that Joe and Iris didn’t know about him any more than the government did, and so they would be protected from Barry’s inevitable downfall.

 

He didn’t stand a chance, not anymore. Even without acknowledging what he did, Barry was screwed. He wasn’t sure when he was going to be arrested, but once the blood test from this crime scene came back, Barry would spend the rest of his life in in a five-by-ten cell. When his co-workers found the body - the man Barry killed, because he was a murderer now - then he was going to be tested, and they’d find the metahuman gene.

 

The ability to heal from anything wasn’t a combative power, nor was it particularly useful in most cases, but Barry knew that wouldn’t matter to anyone else. His powers hadn’t really been good for anything for anything other than avoiding doctors visits since the night that the Particle Accelerator exploded, and now they were going to make sure that he was never free again.

 

Not for the first time, Barry wished he wasn’t a metahuman, or that he at least had a better power. He bet Weather Wizard and Killer Frost didn’t have to worry this much when they got arrested. It’s not like the CCPD had much luck keeping them imprisoned, even with the help of Harrison Wells and Star Labs. Their powers were easy to turn offensive, and they had a team to back them up. They had… shit they had the Rogues.

 

The Rogues! They could help Barry. The criminal organization were probably the only ones who would be willing to help him now. They had been the ones responsible for taking in metas in trouble on more than one occasion. Just last week, the Metahuman Task Force had completely lost track of Frankie “Magneta” Kane when they had stepped in, and that was only one instance amongst dozens.

 

Then again, Barry was a CSI, and he’d personally been responsible for a large portion of their previous arrest. More than once for many of the Rogues. Plus the last time he’d seen any of them outside the precinct, he’d screamed at them all to stay the hell away. Barry had been a giant, rampaging jackass. They had no reason to help him.

 

But the Rogues were his only hope, so Barry pulled out his phone. His hands were shaking so much he dropped the it twice, but once he collapsed on the ground he managed force his hands to stay still long enough to dial the right combination numbers. He’d long since deleted this contact from his cellphone, but he’d memorized the number anyways. As hard as Barry had tried, he hadn’t been able to make himself forget. He only hoped the line was still connected.

 

While Barry waited for something to happen on the other end, he took two fingers to his attackers neck. There was so much blood, but he’d heard of people survive losing more. Maybe Barry was wrong, and this was all a big mistake. Barry didn’t want to hurt anyone, so maybe if he focused all his energy on hoping the man was alright then he’d make it.

 

There was nothing drumming under his skin. No pulse, no heartbeat. There was nothing left inside of this slowly-cooling corpse.

 

“What do you want?” a dark voice growled through his phone, pulling Barry’s attention away from his victim.

 

Even with how serious the situation was and how angry he sounded, Barry’s heart still fluttered at the nasal, Central City accent that never left the other man’s voice. Try as he might to forget it, he’d never heard a more beautiful sound.

 

“I’m in trouble. Please Lenny, I need you.”

 

* * *

 

**_10:03pm on July 9th, 2013 - Saints and Sinners, Central City_ **

 

“Now what is someone as pretty as you doing alone at a sleazy place like this?” A smooth, yet slightly nasal voice drawled in his ear as the man slipped a new Long Island Ice Tea in place of his recently drained glass.

 

Barry hadn’t been planning to drink anything else. Iris and Eddie had left a few minutes ago, so Barry was staying just long enough to finish his drink and pay his tab. That all changed when he saw the man who the delicate, long-fingered hand belonged to.

 

There was absolutely no way Barry was leaving now. He grabbed the offered drink and took a long swallow as he willed himself to calm down. This stranger was far too pretty for Barry to blow this. He didn’t know that men like that existed outside of movies, magazines, porn, and Barry’s own imagination. He’d certainly never seen someone like this who was interested in him.

 

The stranger was absolutely, stunningly gorgeous. The sharpness of his blue eyes was only superseded by edges of his crooked smirk. His whole look gave of a seriously hot bad-boy vibe from his salt and pepper, closely-cropped hair, his leather jacket, and down the black leather combat boots that Barry had the instant and highly inappropriate (never to be mentioned) urge to lick.

 

Barry had no idea why someone who looked like that was bothering to hit on him, but he wasn’t going to let the opportunity pass. Not even if the man did start with such a terrible line. Barry could only hope that he wasn’t actually drooling, even if he felt like it.

 

“Oh my god, has that line ever actually worked?” Barry blurted out the moment he swallowed.

 

He felt his face flushing as soon as the words slipped out. Of course, someone so far out of his league flirts with him and he immediately stuck his foot in his mouth. At this rate, he was going to need the offered drink to forget how quickly he’d ruined this.

 

Luckily, the handsome stranger simply laughed at Barry’s outburst. It was a quick, soft sound as though it was surprised out of him. His smile turned a little less sharp and more real too,  teeth peeked through, and Barry felt his crush growing. This look was even prettier.

 

“I haven’t had to try it before. Never seen someone who looks like you do brave enough to try out a dive like Saints and Sinners,” the man admitted.

 

“Oh, I just moved to the area. My name's Barry. Barry Allen.”

 

Barry held out his hand as spoke, and immediately felt like a giant doofus when his companion raised an eyebrow at it. He was talking to a handsome stranger at a bar, not a business meeting. Instances like this were why he kept insisting to Iris that he shouldn’t be allowed out in public alone. He needed Iris to watch him and make sure that he didn’t do something stupid like blow his chances with men that looked like one of his wet dream.

 

Barry went to jerk his hand back and stick it in his pocket where it couldn’t embarrass him further, when the man grabbed his hand. He didn’t shake it though, merely used it to pull them together a little more, gently caressing his fingers where they were connected.

 

It may have been the single hottest thing to ever happen to him.

 

“Hello Barry, Barry Allen,” the man teased. He was imitating Barry’s nervous words, but it was playfully meant for once in his life, so Barry found he really didn’t mind. “I’m Len, and it is my absolute pleasure to meet you. I’d love to show you around the neighborhood some time.”

 

* * *

 

**_11:42 pm on October 6, 2017 - The Abandoned Pullman’s Shipping Warehouse, Keystone_ **

 

Barry hadn’t managed to pull himself off the ground or away from the corpse by the time two nondescript, white vans pulled into the loading dock across the warehouse. He barely wasted the effort to hope that it was Len and his Rogues inside. He couldn’t bring himself to watch who was in them. Someone needed to watch over the body.

 

Whoever he was may not have been a good person from the brief snippet Barry had seen of him, but he hadn’t deserved to have things ends like this. No one deserved this.

 

It was especially true for whoever this poor man was leaving behind. _Someone_ must have loved him. If there was one thing that Barry had learned as a CSI, there was always someone who cared about even the worst people.

 

Hell, Barry was one of those idiots. Most of Central City thought that Captain Cold and his Rogues weren’t even human anymore, but Barry still loved Len. He still loved most of them really, and he knew that they loved each other. Barry only hoped that Len still had enough affection for Barry to get him out of this without a lifetime stuck in the Star Labs Pipeline.

 

“Barry, what are you doing?” Len scolded sharply, grabbing Barry’s arm as he pulled him roughly away from the man. “I told you not to touch anything else, and that goes doubly for the fucking body. You’re a CSI. You should know better.”

 

He couldn’t look up at Len, even as he pulled him towards the vans. Not after what he’d done. Len was right too. He vaguely remembered something about not touching anything, but Barry had barely been paying attention to anything other than Len’s assurance that he was coming. Barry knew that, despite everything that happened between them, once Len was here it would all be alright.

 

Barry forced a shrugged, feeling helpless. It was all he could make himself do, and even that seemed like a monumental effort. He could feel Len gearing up to yell at him so more, so Barry focused his efforts instead on bracing himself.

 

“Layoff, Len. Can’t you see how upset he is? I know it’s be a while for you, but the first kill isn’t easy,” Caitlin scolded her boss.

 

Caitlin, Cisco, and both halves of Firestorm moved closer as she spoke, with Caitlin, Ronnie, and Stein stepping between him and Len, and Cisco moving closer to pat Barry’s shoulder. Barry finally looked up to try and smile at his old friend, but he couldn’t produce anything other than a weak sob. He wished he could collapse into Cisco’s arms and the hug his arms were so obviously twitching towards. Cisco didn’t do more than twitch in his direction though, so Barry stayed put. If he was Cisco, he wouldn’t want to hug Barry either.

 

Barry couldn’t see Caitlin’s expression from where he was standing, leaning into Cisco hand to stay to stay upright, but he could imagine it perfectly. The glare of Killer Frost was pretty famous at this point, and Barry had an up-close view on more than one occasion. He’d never seen her get as angry on a job as she did the time Cisco, Mick, and Ronnie accidently blew up her bathroom in her favorite safe house.

 

Cicso was frowning back at him, eyes full of of emotions that Barry was too out of it to try and place, other than the obvious lack of hatred that Barry deserved to see from him. “Cait’s right. Maybe I should go ahead and take him home. We’ve gotta take care of his clothes anyways.”

 

“No, we need you here to clean this up. I can take him,” Len ordered, moving between Ronnie and Stein to grab Barry again.

 

Len’s grip was gentle this time. A guiding hand instead of a bruising accusation. Barry melted into the familiar touch, even as he heard what the rest of the Rogues refer to as the “Nerd Squad” protest.

 

“It’s alright. I want to go with him,” Barry said, his voice cutting through the noise.

 

He couldn’t stand the angry voices. It was too much, too sudden after the quiet of his wait. Len always had a special ability to make all the noise in Barry’s mind disappear, and he craved that feeling now like the addict he had been denying he was.

 

He could see Lisa and Mick exchanging some sort of look, but Len ignored them in favor of steering Barry towards the back of the van, so Barry ignored them too. He could imagine what it was about anyways. He was sure Len’s sister and best friend were full of the accusations he’d been expecting from the rest of the Rogues.

 

It was going to be okay though because Len was here, and he was going to fix everything. He’d always promised Barry to be there when he needed him, and Barry couldn’t believe it had taken him so long to remember that side of this man. The one who shielded him from the harsh realities of the world, and always held him like Barry was something precious. He been so blinded by Captain Cold that he’d managed to forget who was really beneath the parka.

 

* * *

 

**_2:24 am on December 19th, 2013 - Starling City Plaza Hotel, Starling City_ **

 

Barry couldn’t catch his breath. He didn’t know that an orgasm could actually wind him this way, but every moment with Len felt like Barry was coming alive for the first time. It was like every moment in his life until he’d met Len had been him living in grayscale, and he’d needed Leonard to bring his world into technicolor.

 

Groaning softly, Barry rolled over so he was draped halfway over the still-panting Len and pulled him into a deep, lazy kiss. The movement made the ache in his ass flare up again, but it was a special kind of soreness that Barry had learned to love since the first night they’d slept together. Len responded to his kiss for a short moment before he nipped at Barry’s bottom lip, forcing them both to break away to laugh.

 

“God Barr. I know you’re still in your twenties, but some of need more time between orgasms than this,” Len teased him.

 

“Please Lenny. You’ve already made me come four times tonight. I think we’ve hit a limit here,” Barry groused back, moving down the bed just far enough to tuck his head on Len’s arm and wrap himself around Len’s torso.

 

“We had better. I’d be pretty disappointed after that last blowjob I gave you otherwise. I put some real work into that. After all, something on this trip had to work out for you since your super-burglar was a no show,” laughed Len, kissing his the crown of his head as he spoke.

 

Barry giggled too, tucking his head further into Len’s chest. He kissed Len’s chest above his heart, open-mouthed and messy and completely perfect because it was them. Barry was falling in love with this sweet, crazy man, and he never wanted to stop.

 

“I could tell. When did you learn that thing with your tongue, because that was definitely new. I’d remember that.”

 

“A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell,” Len smirked down at him with the same, crooked smirk he’d been wearing when they’d met. It was Barry’s second favorite look on his boyfriend, right after the look of after blissed out wonder that was reserved for Barry alone.

 

“Well then it’s a damn good thing that wasn’t kissing. C’mon you gotta give me something to remember Starling by! I didn’t even get to see the vigilante,” he retorted with a poke to Len’s ribcage.

 

Len groaned at that, using his position to start tickling Barry’s exploded sides, laughing as he viciously attacked. “You do not need to get anywhere near that hooded maniac.”

 

“I just want to see him,” Barry protested between his laughter.

 

“Seeing the Vigilante is getting close enough for him to turn you into a Barry-shaped pin cushion. You do realize he’s technically a serial killer, right?” Len told him, grabbing Barry’s arms as he spoke and fastening them above their heads with a single hand so he could keep skimming Barry’s sides.

 

If Barry could breathe properly through all his laughter, he would have protested more. He would have reminded Len that they already had the debate, and that it was why Len came with him to Starling City to investigate an impossible theft. He claimed that Barry was too good at getting into trouble on his own, and was likely to run straight into the thief and the Vigilante if he’d made this trip alone.

 

Instead, he was forced to focus his efforts on escaping. He was all set to counterattack, but before Barry could properly squirm away and get his revenge Len’s phone started ringing in the living room.

 

It was as though an alarm and not a simple phone call was going off. Len shot out of bed and away from Barry, and he was walking out of their room before the first ring ended. Barry was left alone in the cold bed, gaping after Len in a way that was likely unflattering as he gasped for air after Len’s tickle assault.

 

At least the view was good. Len hadn’t bothered covering up on his mad dash to his cell phone, and Barry was always fond of his ass.

 

He could hear Len speaking softly with whoever called him, but Len didn’t move to get dressed or come back to bed, so Barry ignored him for now. Well, mostly ignored. He did stop appreciating the view, and as long as Len was at the center of it, he doubted that he ever would.

 

It was too early to fall in love with Len, but somehow he had anyways. Barry wasn’t going to say it yet though. He wasn’t that foolish. Len had forgiven a lot of blunders from him so far, and claimed to find his rambling cute, but Barry wasn’t willing to test him like that.

 

Barry didn’t doubt they’d get to that point soon. From the way Len looked at him and the delicate way he’d hold him, he knew that Len shared at least some feelings.

 

Len pulled Barry from his thoughts when he rejoined him in the bed, kissing him chastely as he pulled Barry back into his arms. Barry waited patiently for Len to say something - anything - about who he was talking to. When Len’s breathing was deepened, signal he was about to fall asleep, Barry’s patience waned.

 

“Lenny,” he whispered, turning around so the world was mumbled into Len’s chest instead of the world around them. The moment felt to personal for anything else. Barry didn’t want to break their bubble.

 

“Mmmm… What is it? ‘ can get you another blanket if you’re cold,” Len mumbled, voice heavy with sleep. Barry loved Len’s voice when he was like this. It was always stripped bare of his usual pretense, something simply _Len_ shining through.

 

It was too cute, not that he’d ever say that to Len. Barry had kiss him before he could get to his question. “Who was that on the phone?”

 

“It was just Lisa,” Len mumbled, closing his eyes again in an obvious bid to get Barry to leave him alone to sleep.

 

Barry’s good mood dissipated so quickly, it might as well have never been there. Len had never mentioned a Lisa before. His very pansexual partner never really talked about the people in his life, something which Barry was all too aware of and trying to change. How close was this women that Len answered her call after midnight, no questions asked and no explanation given to him?

 

Barry had thought - assumed really - that he and Len were exclusive. They were together almost every night, and Len had come on vacation with him. He’d been calling Len his boyfriend for months, but that didn’t mean Len thought of them as exclusive. Maybe Barry had been reading too much into them, and the thought made his chest ache and his eyes water.

 

Len’s arms tightened around him, as he moved to shift away. He needed space. Barry couldn’t think straight, not with Len invading all of his senses.

 

“Stop moving,” Len groaned into his hair, pulling Barry even closer as he spoke.

 

“Back off for a minute then,” Barry pushed back, his hands working to get in between the small space between their bodies for momentum.

 

Len’s eyes opened again as he pushed himself up and away from Barry, the sleepy haze in his eyes disappearing when he realized something was wrong. His blue eyes were wide, glowing slightly in their darkened hotel room as he looked at Barry full of surprise, concern, and some emotion that Barry hadn’t learned to place yet.

 

“What’s wrong, Barry? Please don’t cry,” Len wondered, softly running his thumb under Barry’s eye to catch the building moisture.

 

Barry ignored it in favor of leaning into Len’s hand, still cupped on his cheek even though he’d closed his eyes. He had to steal his nerves before he spoke, knowing that he probably didn’t want to know the answer, but that he had to ask anyways. “Who’s Lisa?”

 

He expected some sort of half-hearted explanation, or maybe even a full honest story of who this _Lisa_ was. What he got instead was loud, full-bodied laughter.

 

“Oh man, I’m sorry babe. I’m not laughing at you I swear,” Len, lying his beautiful ass off, told him between chuckles. “I just didn’t realize you didn’t know about my sister. I promise, Barr, I don’t have room for anyone else in my life. Wouldn’t want them even if I could. Good to know it’s the same for you though. A guy with a hot young boyfriend like you can rarely rest this easy, but the jealousy certainly helps.”

 

“I don’t… Your sister? You’ve never mentioned a sister,” Barry commented, missing the light tone he was going for by a long shot. His sniffles were a dead give away.

 

Len chanced getting close to him again, pulling them both down as he wrapped Barry tightly in his arm’s. “Lisa’ll eat you alive, which is why I’ve been keeping you two apart. You know our dad was kind of a piece of shit, and so it was pretty much just her and me growing up. She’s rather… protective.”

 

That Barry could completely understand. Who wouldn’t try to keep someone like Len safe from the world? It was evident every time they were together that Len had already seen more than he should. After all, Barry was a CSI, and he was trained to see things that others wouldn’t. The scars on his body were a testament to all the reasons Lisa needed to look out for her brother.

 

So rather than let the little of of light that was twinkling in Len’s eyes go dark, Barry responded the best way he knew how. “Lisa’s protective, huh? And what about you?”

 

“Me?” asked Len teasingly, the little smirk Barry loved firmly in place. They were too close to Barry to get a good view of it, but he leaned in for a feather-light kiss on it anyways.

 

“You just travelled 600 miles because you didn’t like the idea of me being in the same city as the Arrow. The man’s basically a real life Robin Hood. You really want to try and claim you aren’t a bit over-protective?” Barry reminded Len after they broke apart again.

 

“I’d worry a lot less if you called him ‘the serial killer,’” Len repeated his argument for probably the millionth time. “And of course I did. You’re my boyfriend, right? I can hear you on the phone with Iris, y’know. I like the word for you, but I’ve always preferred partner.”

 

“Partner, huh? I can live with that.”

 

* * *

 

**_1:11 am, October 7, 2017 - Rogues Safehouse #7, Stone Woods at the Edge of Keystone County_ **

 

“Barry, you’ve got to tell me what happened. We can get rid of what you left at the warehouse easily, but that may not be all the evidence,” Len ordered. His lips were pressed thin line, so stressed that his lips were turning to a putrid purple instead of the their usual soft pink.

 

Barry wanted to make that wrong color disappear. It wasn’t right, not on Len, not with Barry there at least. He’d made this stressed appearance on Len disappear in a fervor so many times in the past, and now Barry was responsible for it. Barry didn’t know how to make it better though, not when things were so messed up between them. Not when Barry himself was so damaged.

 

“I told you on the phone,” Barry reminded Len, shrinking back into the couch Len had sat him on.

 

He didn’t take his eyes off the fireplace as he spoke, looking around Len’s tightly-wound form perched on the coffee to table so he could watch his clothes burn. Barry guessed they were already halfway destroyed. They were halfway to all the signs of Barry’s nightmarish evening disappearing from the dingy little cabin Len had taken him to.

 

“On the phone you told me you killed someone and need me to clean up your mess. That is not at all telling me what actually happened,” Len accused him, stress lines on his face seemingly becoming more pronounced with every word. Barry could feel Len getting more and more pissed at him, but he couldn’t stop Len’s agitation.

 

“That’s it. I murdered him in the warehouse, and I didn’t meet the guy until tonight. I… I don’t even know his name. Everything is either there or in the alley.”

 

Barry didn’t want to talk about this. He was completely wrung out, and Len just wouldn’t stop prodding.

 

Len was putting him more on edge with every word, just like Barry was doing to him. No matter how hard they were trying, Barry and Len couldn’t seem to stop hurting each other any more. They didn’t fit together, not like they used to, and every moment spent together was another harsh reminder.

 

“Bullshit!” Len yelled, slamming his fist into the cushion beside Barry’s leg as he glowered at him. “I know you, Barr, even if you like to pretend otherwise. You wouldn’t kill someone you just met, so tell me who the fuck that he was to you, and I’ll make sure any connection you have disappears. If this is about you fucking him...”

 

“It’s not!” Barry insisted. Only, that wasn’t entirely true, was it? The man had cut at his clothes. He’d probably wanted… No, that didn’t matter! He was dead, and Barry was safe, and it didn’t matter what that man wanted to do.

 

Barry stomach rolled at the thoughts he wasn’t able to force from his brain. He barely had time to make it to the trashcan on the side of the sofa before he emptied the contents of his stomach. Len watched quietly, waiting for Barry’s stomach to stop heaving and for him to take a seat back on the sofa before wordless handing him the now-cooled tea Barry had been neglecting. Len retracted his hand as soon as Barry grabbed the cup, moving to fiddle with his phone.

 

Grateful for the moment of reprieve, Barry took a small sip of his previously untouched drink. When Len had first brought it to him, Barry had been too annoyed at how well Len still knew him to touch the tea. Barry was a coffee addict ninety-five percent of the the time, but when he was truly upset he couldn’t stomach anything besides warm tea like his mother used to make. Thankfully it did it’s job, cleaning the awful taste out of his mouth and soothing his stomach.

 

“We can’t wait for you to calm down. You hadn’t even told me where you met him outside of the building until now,” Len pushed.

 

Len was always pushing, always wanting more, and it was something that Barry had loved about him when they had first gotten together. Now, it was making him want to puke again. Barry was sure that if he had anything left in his stomach other than a single swallow of tea than he would have.

 

“I… shit. I didn’t? Is it too late?” worried Barry, automatically starting to gnaw on his lower lip at the thought. The thought of all the incredibly risky work the Rogues did for him being for nothing was sickening.

 

“Stop that. If you keep chomping on your lip like that it’s going to bleed,” Len ordered, reaching halfway to Barry’s face before he jerked his arm back. “Don’t worry about it. I had them scrub the whole exterior already, and Hartley’s taking care of any footage.”

 

He opened his mouth to tell Len the truth, the awful reality of the situation of how far the man he’d once loved had sunk, but the words caught in his throat. Nothing was coming out or in, and Barry’s lungs started aching at the deprivation. He was gasping, choking, but nothing was helping. Black spots were dancing in his vision, and between those and the glare from the fire, Barry couldn’t see anything.

 

“Shit. Barry, you gotta calm down,” Len’s voice broke through his panic.

 

His voice was a little high, more of his Central City slums accent becoming more pronounced like it always did when he was upset. Barry reached out for him, unsure where Len was but knowing he needed to touch him. Len grabbed his hands, pulling himself onto the sofa with them so that his leather jacket could soak up Barry’s tears, while his fingers combed through Barry’s hair.

 

“It’s all going to be alright. I’m not letting them put you in that fucking pipeline. Not ever, okay? You’re safe with me, Barr. I promise.”

 

* * *

 

**_8:17pm, December 21st, 2013 - Barry Allen’s Apartment, Central City_ **

 

Len loved the way Barry talked when he was excited. It was a light sound, high-pitched, and slightly hysterical whenever something like the STAR Labs Particle Accelerator was the concerned. He hadn’t stopped talking about the accelerator the entire fifteen minutes it had taken them to get back to Barry’s place. Even panting heavily from walking the seven flights of stairs it took to get to the apartment, Barry was still chattering away.

 

It was like a drug for him. Len was never going to get enough Barry, so he made sure to bask in him every time they were together.

 

After all, Len knew that his time with Barry was limited. He may have been falling for the geeky CSI, but there was no way their relationship had a real future. Not when Barry found out where all the money Len was spoiling him with really came from.

 

Len would have these memories though. Barry smiling at him, happy and unburdened in his affections. They were piling up, nights like this, but Len still knew this was going to be one of his favorites. He’d managed to get them tickets to STAR Lab’s opening gala, and Barry looked absolutely edible in the tux Len had been able to dress him in.

 

“Earth to Len. Are you even listening to what I’m saying?” Barry pouted, turning away from the door to from the door to look back at Len.

 

“Course I am,” Len started, smirking in the way he knew drove Barry crazy before he started to tease. “I didn’t understand a word you said because you went into excited technobabble about what all the accelerator is doing tonight, but I was listening anyways.”

 

Barry rolled his eyes, so Len leaned in like he was going to kiss Barry. Len waited for his partner’s eyes to flutter shut before he reached around, twisting the key the key, and grabbing Barry’s hips so he could back him into the apartment. He waited until he was able to kick the door shut behind him before he gave into Barry’s annoyed huffing and kissed him.

 

It was a deep kiss, full of the affection he felt for Barry, but not meaning to go anywhere yet. Barry’s stomach had been rumbling the entire way back from STAR Labs, and Len needed him well feed if his plans for the rest of their evening. Barry looked far too good in a tux for Len not to follow through, so Len forced himself to push away from Barry in favor of going into the kitchen.

 

“For real? What happened to your plan to rip me out of this tux? Because I liked that plan. I totally thought we were going to start on that,” Barry complained lightly, laughing a little as he spoke.

 

“I’m not ripping the tux. If I ruin it, I can never put you back in it, and I fully intend to get you out of it again later,” Len quipped, opening Barry’s fridge in hopes there was something to make inside. The kid practically lived on take out and baked goods, but none of his leftovers looked fresh enough to eat.

 

“Then let’s do that,” Barry whined, plopping his knees on the sofa to stare over the back at Len.

 

Len turned around to raise an eyebrow at him before speaking. “Please, you aren’t going to make it until I get you out of that shirt without some dinner. Which, you know, would work a lot better if you actually kept food here.”

 

“I’ve got pizza in there,” Barry told him. It was even true technically. It was also over a week from when they’d first gotten it, a fact which made Barry pout again when Len pointed it out.

 

“Fine, I’ll order something,” decided Barry.

 

He made his way over to the window, the same way Barry always had to when it was time to make a call. The cell signal in Barry’s apartment was shitty, just like the rest of his place. It was something Len was constantly lecturing Barry on. This part of Central City wasn’t safe, and Len hated that his police-affiliated boyfriend could barely get a call out in his apartment. 

 

Len, rather than focusing on that awful thought, decided to make himself useful while waiting. He started emptying Barry’s fridge, throwing out the plethora of old and expired products. It was a miracle Barry hadn’t managed to poison himself yet.

 

“Seriously Barry, you’re 24 years old. I shouldn’t have to struggle this much to feed you,” lectured Len. It was far from the first time, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. Len could practically feel Barry rolling his eyes as he ignored Len in favor of ordering their pizza.

 

“Oh, and can I get some cheese sti... Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Len, come here!” Barry yelled.

 

Len jerked around, almost tripping in his haste to get to Barry. A million things flashed through his mind about what could cause Barry to yell like that, each more horrible than the next. He’d never heard Barry sound that panicked.

 

What he actually saw was infinitely worse than anything he could’ve dreamed. The sky around STAR Labs was shining, a cloud of light and fire in what could only be the beginning of a massive explosion. Len didn’t manage to get any closer to Barry before the cloud of light burst.

 

“Get back!” Len yelled too late. The force from the blast shook the building and Barry fell forward, onto window. Len didn’t have time to move more than a step forward before the window shattered, and Barry fell through.

 

* * *

 

**_1:36 am, October 7, 2017 - Rogues Safehouse #7, Stone Woods at the Edge of Keystone County_ **

 

Barry didn’t want to get up after he stopped crying. He felt safe and warm in Len’s arm in a way that he hadn’t since the last they were together like this. Leaving Len’s embrace would mean he had to face the real world again. It’d mean he was alone. So he stayed against Len’s chest, and let Len keep running his fingers through Barry’s hair.

 

But Len had done so much for him, that night and so many others, and Barry owed him answers. So after a few more minutes of comfort he made himself turn in Len’s embrace, facing away from Len and back towards the slowly burning blob of textiles in the fireplace.

 

Len didn’t respond, other than shifting to give Barry enough space to move. He didn’t even stop the hand petting Barry’s hair. As soon as Barry stopped wriggling, he tightened his hold on again.

 

“I was telling the truth,” Barry broke their silence reluctantly.

 

Even with his head turned away, he could feel Len shaking his head. “About what? You’ve told me a lot of things.”

 

“I didn’t know that man. I’d never even seen him until tonight,” Barry repeated. His speech was slow, forcing himself to speak even as the words turned to ashes on his tongue.

 

“Then why did you kill him?”

 

Barry flinched at the accusation, unable to stop himself even if it was the truth. Len tighten the arm around him, sighing deeply. He wished Len would kiss the top of his head, the way he used to when Barry was upset and Len was holding him like this. But they weren’t together, and Len kept his lips to himself.

 

It probably wouldn’t have done much good anyways, not when he was so busy trying not to become too invested in the feeling of Len’s hands on him. It was such a wonderfully familiar comfort that Barry couldn’t stop himself from leaning into it. After the way his night turned out, Barry figured he was allowed a few bad decisions.

 

“It was an accident,” Barry confessed. “He… I was taking a shortcut home, and he pulled me into the warehouse. He was… It was his knife. He was hurting me, and cutting at my clothes. I didn’t want to kill him, Lenny. I just wanted him to stop.”

 

Barry’s eyes were clouding again, and he could feel himself shaking too. Len’s grip was continuously tightening. It had passed the point of painful, but Barry didn’t mind. It felt like Len’s arm around him was the only thinking holding him together, so Barry grabbed Len’s hands with the same force. He needed to make sure Len didn’t let go of him.

 

“He touched you?” snarled Len.

 

There was an icy fury to his tone, something in Len shifting to his Captain Cold persona. Barry found he minded it a lot less than he ever had before. He didn’t know if it because he was so wrung out after his awful night, or if it was a residual side effect of Barry being a killer now too. Or maybe Barry just didn’t mind that Len was in charge the metahuman mob  now that they were no longer together.

 

“He tried,” Barry started to assure him, rubbing his thumb along Len’s hand as he spoke. “I stopped him first. I didn’t want to hurt him though. Fuck Lenny, he didn’t deserve that.”

 

“Don’t, Barr,” Len ordered. Barry rolled his eyes at Len’s bossy tone out of sheer habit, but Len wasn’t done. “Don’t feel bad for him. That son of a bitch was dead the moment he touched you. I would’ve killed him if you hadn’t.”

 

Len’s voice grew colder with every word. Barry couldn’t stop himself from shivering, despite how oddly unperturbed he was by Len’s calm threats of violence. There was something disturbingly comforting about how far Len was willing to go for him, even after this long apart.

 

“Len…”

 

The hand in his hair stopped its motion to pull lightly. It was a warning tug, not something meant to hurt.

 

Barry idly wondered if Len remembered how much he loved having his hair pulled. Probably, if he had to guess. Len’s memory was nearly perfect, and he had always given special attention to anything related to Barry.

 

“No one gets to touch you like that, not when you don’t want ‘em. God, you’re so fucking righteous sometimes I’m tempted to hurt you myself.”

 

Barry scoffed, “Don’t be so overdramatic.”

 

“I’m not,” Len insisted.

 

As usual, Len was lying his ass off. Barry couldn’t believe he actually found himself missing that about him now. Len was always one for little white lies. If only it hadn’t lead to so many large ones, it may have been endearing.

 

“You are. You’d never hurt me,” Barry declared. Even in their worse moments, that belief had never faded.

 

“I might,” Len argued petulantly. The chilly tone was back in his voice, mixed a huge amount of self-loathing. That, Barry found, he still hated.

 

Barry shook his head, gripping Len’s hand tighter as he swore, “You won’t. You could’ve, a million times in a million different ways, and all you’ve ever done is been there for me when I need you. I… I’m sorry it took me so long to remember that.”

 

“I don’t mind,” Len sighed behind him, adjusting his grip on Barry to give them both more room to breathe. “Just promise me you won’t forget again. Promise me you’ll call me again if you get into trouble. I couldn’t take it if something happened to you.”

 

“I promise.”

* * *

 

**_8:55 pm, December 21st, 2013 - Barry Allen’s Apartment, Central City_ **

 

“I’m not panicking,” Barry insisted.

 

Len was shaking his head, a look on his face Barry didn’t recognize. It was sharp, like the first night they had met, only with a fierce coldness Barry had never seen. He didn’t like it, but he supposed Len deserved to freak out. This night, which had started off so well, had gone so wrong. “Yes, you are. So am I. It’s been less than an hour since you fell seven stories, and you aren’t even bruised.”

 

“I was, though. Bruised, bleeding, all that fun stuff. Kinda think that makes this whole thing worse,” Barry remembered with a shudder.

 

He’d been in so much pain when he landed. Barry had been sure that was it, that he was going to die on the ground outside of his shitty apartment. He could feel the internal damage, the many different bones and organs crushed by the impact. But then, just as painfully, his injuries had started to knit closed. He could feel the stages of healing as they occurred within moments. By the time Len had made it down the ground floor, failing to call an ambulance as so many calls were trying to go through, Barry was almost entirely healed.

 

Barry was still trying not to think of the implications of what it meant. Him being alive, healed within minutes. He really didn’t want to think of how it happened. There was only one explanation, and it was one that made Barry’s skin crawl. Something in the Particle Accelerator explosion and the dark matter it released had healed him.

 

“Probably,” Len conceded. Like Barry, it sounded like his partner was becoming more agitated. “I can’t say I mind though. Fuck, seeing you lying there like that. I’ve never been that afraid. I don’t… I can’t lose you, especially not like that.”

 

Len was staring at Barry with so much raw honesty and emotion in his gaze that Barry calmed down just a little. Barry tried to send him a smile, to let him know he was okay, but he didn’t think he managed it quite right. His eyes were too watery, and his grin felt shaky.

 

Deciding it was a wasted endeavor, Barry abandoned the effort in favor of moving into Len’s space. He waited for his boyfriend to adjust before wrapping his arms around Len’s shoulders. Len collapsed into him, resting his head on Barry’s shoulder after a quick kiss to the crown of his head. Len was holding him back so tightly that Barry sure his boyfriend was afraid he was going to disappear. Assuming that it was still possible, Barry had a feeling he’d have bruises where Len’s hands were. It was as though Len was sure that if he let go, Barry was going to be back on the ground, dying. Admittedly, Barry was afraid of that too.

 

“I wish I had alcohol here,” Barry confessed into the top of Len’s head. Len chuckled.

 

“You’re not the only one. From now on, I’m taking control of your fridge.”

 

Barry pulled back to glare at his boyfriend. His smirk was firmly in place, as usual, but it felt wrong. Everything felt wrong now though, so Barry decided to figure it out later. “I’m an adult, you ass. I can feed myself.”

 

“Debatable.” Len laughed as he spoke, his usual twinkle only halfway apparent. It was decent start, but Barry still didn’t hesitate to poke him in the ribs. Len tickled him all the time, so he figured it was more than fair.

 

Before Len could start on his counter argument, Barry pulled back for a quick, soft kiss, making sure to change the subject as soon as he pulled back. Len needed a distraction, and Barry needed answers to _something_. Even with all this craziness, something had to make sense.

 

“Have you heard from Lisa?”

 

“You mean while you were in the shower?” Len scowled reappeared, enough that Barry almost wished he hadn’t brought it up. He was worried too though, despite never having met Len’s sister. He knew how important she was to Len. “Fucking call still won’t go through. Too many people on phone lines that are probably busted anyways. You’re lucky that CCPD makes you and Detective West carry pagers.”

 

“I’m sorry, Lenny. Do you need to go check on her?” Barry forced himself to ask. The last thing he wanted was now was to be alone, but Barry would understand. If he hadn’t heard Iris and Joe were fine, he’d have already left to find them.

 

Len shook his head, lightly pulling Barry back into his arms. He didn’t hold him close this time, keeping distance so he could rest his forehead against Barry’s. “I’m not leaving you.”

 

“You don’t have to. I can go with you to find her,” Barry offered.

 

Len’s face grew more distressed by the minute. Barry reached a hand up to try and soothe it away, and Len, as always, melted into his touch, but it didn’t seem to calm Len down. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Lisa… she had plans tonight.”

 

“Are you being serious?” Barry asked incredulously. Len nodded slightly, jarring Barry’s hand where they were still connected. “There was a giant explosion releasing unknown amounts of dark matter into Central City that we already know has the power to alter someone’s DNA. Lisa will forgive you for disturbing her plans.”

 

“That is not the problem. Lisa’ll be relieved to hear from me, but I can’t bring you,” Len divulged, face twisting as he spoke. He was obviously torn, wanting to stay with Barry, but afraid of what Lisa could be facing in this city without him.

 

God, Barry’s boyfriend was such an idiot. How was someone this smart capable of being so utterly, bull-headedly stupid? Barry pulled away enough to grab Len’s arm and give him a rough shake. Len’s mouth opened in surprise, but Barry started scolding him before he could recover.

 

“For fucks sake, this better not be you freaking about about me meeting Lisa again. Len, I almost died tonight. _I should have died._ We are not wasting time worrying about stuff like that, alright? Now where is your sister?”

 

Len opened and closed his mouth several times, looking more and more like he bit into a lemon. Barry had enough of it. He was tired, hungry, and absolutely terrified every time his thoughts drifted to what happened.

 

“Spit it out, Len.”

 

“She and our Mick should be finishing up with the robbery of safety deposit box 348 at Central City Downtown Bank,” Len confessed to his shoes, his eyes having shifted down the moment he started talking again.

 

That was such shit. Len was so determined to keep him them apart that he was making up stories? God, if Barry wasn’t in love with the idiot he may have strangled him.

 

“I’m sorry, what? I know I heard that wrong,” Barry said, trying not to panic at the way Len was looking at him. He wasn’t backing down.

 

Len had sounded crystal clear, but something had to be wrong. He couldn’t be involved in something like that. Len was so strong and kind, and he couldn’t be a criminal. Barry couldn’t be connected to something like that. He was a CSI, which Len knew. He’d talked to him about cases before. Len cared about him too much to put him at risk like this.

 

Only, Len never really talked about what he did. He’d claimed he did something in antiquities, but every time Barry asked for details he’d change the subject, or claim his job was too boring.

 

There had to be some sort of explanation.

 

“You didn’t,” Len told him. His voice was measured, like he knew he was wrecking Barry’s entire world. Something about that made it all seem so much worse. “Check with the CCPD tomorrow if you don’t believe me. There won’t be anything about who did it, other than the use of explosives and that they completely avoided security cameras.”

 

“You’re sister is a thief?” Barry asked, his voice breaking with the weight of the question he wasn’t asking.

 

“One of the best. I taught her everything I know,” Len’s was smirking a little, obviously proud of this fact even as he looked guilty, and chock-full of worry at how Barry was going to react.

 

This couldn’t be happening.

 

Barry shook his head, trying to keep his mind from completely breaking apart. He couldn’t believe that falling from a seven story window wasn’t the most painful part of his night.

 

* * *

 

**_8:19 am, October 7, 2017 - Rogues Safehouse #7, Stone Woods at the Edge of Keystone County_ **

 

“We should’ve known you brought Barry back here,” Lisa called out by the door.

 

Len turned to glare at his sister, pressing a single finger to his lips as he slowly untangled himself from Barry’s sleeping form. Lisa huffed, but stayed quiet until he pushed her out of the doorway and shut the door.

 

“What do you want, Lise?” He snapped. Len didn’t want to leave Barry alone any longer than necessary. He was sure to freak out when he woke up, and Len didn’t want him alone for that.

 

“To talk to you, jerk,” Lisa simpered.

 

She was smiling sweetly at him. Len realized she was manipulating him, but the knowledge didn’t stop him from calming down anyways. His little sister was annoyingly adept at getting her way. She was going to have to deal this time. Len didn’t have time or the energy to deal with Lisa now.

 

“We don’t have anything to discuss. Now go find Cisco and get some sleep,” Len ordered. She ignored him completely, other than raising a single eyebrow at him.

 

Len wished any other Rogue had come to him. They would have actually listened. Then again, that was probably why they’d all chickened out and sent Lisa.

 

“Bullshit, Lenny. We are talking now,” Lisa hissed after she got tired of their staring contest, stabbing him in the chest with her press-on nails. “Barry fucking Allen murdered someone last night, and he came running straight to you. He called you on a number that you promised me you had disconnected, apparently _un-fucking-registered_ despite all his high and mighty bullshit, and you used the Rogues to make his dirty little secret disappear.”

 

“Lisa…” Len tried to interrupt. His brat sister kept talking over him, not even missing a beat in her steadily rising rant.

 

“What, you want me to forget the fact that little bastard is responsible for most of our stays in the pipeline? Or that fact that he broke your heart, and you’re gunning to let him do it again. We just put our asses on the line to help hide him _at your fucking request_ , only to have you run off with Barry in the first five minutes. And now you’re cuddling with him all night long? You are telling me what is going on right fucking now, or so help me God I’m walking straight into CCPD and telling them what your little fuckboy did last night.”

 

Len grabbed Lisa’s arm, pulling her down the hallway and into the open bathroom. He couldn’t let Barry hear those threats and panic. Lisa was just blowing off steam, but he couldn’t be sure Barry would know the difference. “You aren’t saying shit to anyone about this.”

 

“Talk to me, and I won’t have to.”

 

Len matched his sister’s glare. She was such a fucking brat. She also wasn’t leaving until Len talked, and he didn’t want this getting back to Barry, so he started explaining to her what little Barry’d been able to get out last night. “It was self-defense, not murder. Bastard came after him with that knife, not the other way around. Barry didn’t mean to hurt him.”

 

Lisa’s face transformed again, this time showing some genuine understanding through her slowly fading rage. Try as she might, Lisa wouldn’t be able to herself from feeling some sympathy. After all, they had been close once, and he and Lisa were both way too familiar with the kind of violence fear can bring out of someone. Len hated how much he was depending on that keep Lisa from lashing out at Barry, but it wasn’t going to stop him.

 

“But Barry’s wounds healed, and since he’s unregistered didn’t have a defense. Fuck, that’s rough. He going to be alright?” Lisa realized.

 

“Do you actually care?” Len was surprised. Not that Lisa was worried about Barry, but that she was actually admitting to it. She certainly tore into Cisco and the others enough for the same thing over since they’d last seen Barry.

 

“Not really,” Lisa denied. “He may have been our friend once, but Barry made his choice when he sided with _them_. You obviously do though. So do Cisco, Caitlin, Ronnie, Stein, and maybe even Hartley. If you actually give a shit where the rest of us stand on this.”

 

Len ran a hand over his eyes. He really was too tired to have this argument with her, and Lisa wouldn’t understand what he was saying anyways. If only the little harpy was willing to wait until after they had all gotten some sleep.

 

“He’s… he’s _Barry_. I couldn’t do nothing. Besides, this is what the Rogues are supposed to do. Stand up for metas since no one else fucking will,” Len explained.

 

“Oh, so you mean this isn’t because you’re still completely in love with him?” Lisa assumed.

 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Len scoffed. “We broke up a long time ago. He is important to me though, and always will be.”

 

“Yeah, because you never got over him, and I don’t think you ever will. It’s been years, Lenny,” Lisa accused him. Unlike earlier, she didn’t sound angry. Lisa sounded resigned, like this was something she had simply learned to live with. “Don’t even try and deny it. You kept that cell line open, and close enough to you that you answered his call. Do you even realize how much you were risking with that, and not just for you? You put all of us at risk on the off chance that Barry didn’t give us up.”

 

It wasn’t a risk, not that Lisa would ever understand. Len knew that Barry wouldn’t ever turn him in. Even if he disregarded how much shit Barry would be in if he admitted how he knew so much about the Rogues, there was never going to be a threat of Barry turning them in. It was the same reason Len lied to Lisa and kept his old cell phone turned on and with him for so long. Neither one was willing to let the other go, not completely.

 

“Well, I was right,” Len pointed out. “He’s had the number this whole time, and he didn’t do anything with it until tonight. Barry wouldn’t do that to us.”

 

Lisa huffed, obviously annoyed at him, but not able to deny the irrefutable proof that Barry wouldn’t betray them like that. He may have renounced the Rogues, but Barry would never turn them in either. He did his job, and, because he was Barry it, was done well, but that was the extent of things.

 

“You better be right, Lenny. Cisco likes him too much for me to hurt him, but if he betrays us after this Mick will find a way to burn him alive.”

 

* * *

 

**_9:13 pm, December 21st, 2013 - Outside of the Rogues Safehouse #2, Central City_ **

 

“You can’t keep ignoring me, Barr. We have to talk about his,” Len prodded him, turning his eyes briefly away from the road to shoot Barry a pleading look.

 

“Can you give me a goddamn minute. This is a lot to take in,” Barry forced himself to say, turning to look out the window. He didn’t want to look at his boyfriend. Barry wanted to be as far away from him as possible, but he’d been too afraid of what might happen if he let Len go off alone.

 

Len let them ride in silence just long enough Barry was starting to hope that Len actually gave a shit about his feelings. Of course, then he opened his mouth to ruin Barry’s growing hope.

 

“I am sorry,” he apologized again. Taking Barry’s silence as permission to continue, Len started speaking quickly. He was rambling in a way that Barry had never heard before. It would almost be sweet, if it wasn’t for why he felt the need. “I never wanted to lie to you. It’s not like I knew you worked for the CCPD at first. Saints and Sinners isn’t exactly known for having law-abiding cliente, much less people that work for cops. We were - it was too late for me lose you by the time I found out who you were. I was already in love with you. Barry, _please_ believe me. You’re the best things that’s ever happened to me.”

 

“I thought you were too,” Barry acknowledged.

 

He was speaking slowly, which he could tell was putting Len even more on edge. Barry deserved time to get his head on straight though, so Len would have to deal. He should be grateful Barry had immediately kicked him out and called the cops, much less that he was speaking to him at all. Len opened his mouth to respond, but Barry waved him off. Surprisingly Len actually listened, but it only pissed him off even more.

 

“Oh, so now you care what I think. Where was all that consideration when you were lying to me for our entire fucking relationship! You’ve been putting me at risk for months, all because you were too damn selfish to fucking talk to me.”

 

“Wait, so are you mad that I’m a thief or mad that I... omitted the full truth about what I do? Because if it’s just the lying, we can fix this. I swear, I’ll never lie to you again. Didn’t want to in the first place, but I was trying to protect you. You needed to have plausible deniability.”

 

“I’m mad about both, you insufferable asshole,” Barry retorted.

 

“Barry...” Len tried to start back, stopping the car behind one of dozens of identical, abandoned warehouses. Barry’d never heard so much desperation in his name, but he didn’t have time for it.

 

“Later Len,” he snapped, getting out of the car. “We need to check on your family first. I promise I’ll yell at you more later.”

 

Len grabbed his arm before he could get far, and Barry turned around to scream at him for it. But the words of derision died on his tongue when he saw the look on Len’s face. Heartbreak and relief were warring on his face, and Barry couldn’t stop himself from smoothing the rough edges with a hand on each side of his face.

 

“We have a later?” Len asked him, eyes close and breath deepening, shuddering. If Barry hadn’t seen how panicked Len got when he reached Barry on the ground earlier than night, it would have been the most vulnerable he’d ever seen his partner.

 

“We have a later,” Barry confirmed. He kissed Len, sharply and with far less care than ever before, but Len melted into it anyways. “I love you too, Len. I can’t promise that I’ll be able to get over this, but I’m not leaving you now. I probably should, but I can’t give up on us yet.”

 

“You love me?” Len echoed, a small dimples appearing beside Barry’s thumbs. He rolled his eyes, and patted Len’s cheek quickly before moving towards the closest door.

 

“Don’t let it go to your head. I’m still furious.”

 

Len was laughing behind him, happy and clear in a way that didn’t fit in with their evening. Barry was tempted to scold him for it, but he’d have to force the grin from his own face if he wanted Len to listen.

 

“Barry, wrong building.” Len was still laughing, but his voice was moving away.

 

Not wanting to let Len get the last word, he turned around and marched past Len to the door. He was fully prepared to burst in first, not caring that he was busting into a criminal safehouse on two people who didn’t actually know him. He would’ve too, if the door wasn’t locked.

 

“So, the thieves are afraid of being robbed?” Barry mocked as shifted so Len can unlock the door. Len wisely ignored the jab.

 

He did grab Barry’s hand though, leading him through the half-burned, filth-covered storage area that Barry desperately hoped was a cover for their living quarters and not a testament the group's cleaning habits. Considering how recent the burns smelled, he figured there was likely some truth to it.

 

“Please tell me there is an explanation for all these scorch marks that doesn’t involve dark matter energy,” Barry prompted Len turned the key on yet another door.

 

“Mick’s a pyroma…”

 

They both froze as they go through the door. There were two people inside, and it became quickly obvious where the burn marks came from. Standing in the center of the room stood man. He was heavily built and scarred, but that wasn’t what stopped them. His hands were on fire.

 

As if that wasn’t enough to freaky enough, the woman at the far end of the room was sitting on a sofa formed from gold, and everything around her - as well as half the other things in what likely used to be living quarters -  were golden.

 

“Oh thank god, Lenny. Something is seriously wrong,” the woman turned towards them, clutching a phone-shaped chunk of gold to her chest.

 

* * *

 

**_9:30 am, October 7, 2017 - Rogues Safehouse #7, Stone Woods at the Edge of Keystone County_ **

 

Barry groped blindly for his phone, trying to will his alarm to turn off. As though by magic, the universe listened.

 

He jolted up, eyes flying open in surprise. Barry didn’t know where he was, and he wasn’t alone. There was a warm, familiar form beside him with Barry’s phone in hand. Len turned over, reaching out for Barry as he scrambled to out of the bed.

 

“You’re alright. It’s just your alarm,” Len assured him, gently rubbing along Barry’s arm as he kept him from retreating fully.

 

Like a flood, Barry’s memories came back. His walk home, the attack, and Len saving him. He sagged against the headboard, panting as he tried to will his heart to stop slamming into his ribcage.

 

Len sat up when Barry didn’t move, brow pinched in worry. He moved closer to Barry too, obviously moving toward an embrace before he pulled himself to an abrupt stop. Len wasn’t sure if he was allowed to touch Barry like that anymore. Barry wasn’t sure if Len was either.

 

“I’m alright.” Barry grimaced as he spoke, but Len didn’t call him out on it. “I’ve… fuck, I’m supposed to be at work by 11.”

 

Len made a face too, matching Barry’s expression now. It was blaringly obvious that neither of them liked the idea of him going into the CCPD so soon after covering up a homicide. While the Rogues were good at what they did, it was still a huge risk. He was out of practice lying to Joe and Captain Singh, and if anything came up he wasn’t sure he was calm enough to pretend nothing was wrong.

 

“I can take you back to your place. If you want a ride,” Len offered.

 

“No,” Barry decided, shaking his head. “I think that I’ve got terrible stomach bug. No way to drag myself into work today.”

 

Len smiled at that, handing over Barry’s phone. He kept watching Barry from the corner of his eye as Barry called the precinct, making up some bullshit excuse. Barry couldn’t make himself smile back, but he also couldn’t stop himself from watching Len too.

 

They didn’t stop with their looks after Barry hung up. If anything, they both became more obvious, not bothering to pretend they were simply stealing glances. He was too strung out to turn away the comfort it gave him, at least until Len’s face twisted back to to a tired grimace.

 

“I can still give you a ride back to your place.”

 

“I’d rather stay here.” Barry shook his head with enough for to make his head start to ache again, so he stopped the motion and started to use his word again. Despite the constant nicknames, Barry was an adult. He could handle talking to his ex. “At least for now. It’s just… I don’t want to be alone yet. Unless it’s too much trouble, and you’re trying to get rid of me, in which case feel free to drop me home. Because you’ve already done so much, and I…”

 

Laughing softly, Len covered Barry’s mouth with his hand. “Stop rambling. You can stay as long as you want.”

 

Barry smiled gratefully before pulling them both back fully on the bed. Len was too surprised to fight him on it, so Barry quickly arranged Len as his big spoon before Len’s wits came back to him. He felt foolish for it, but Barry needed Len’s arms around him again. He still didn’t have in it him to hold himself together.

 

“Thanks Lenny. Let’s go back to bed then. I know you didn’t actually sleep last night,” Barry announced. Len’s arms tightened for a brief second around him briefly, betraying his continued shock. Len never could keep these kinds of things secret when he was this tired, not from Barry, but for some reason he always expected to.

 

“I…” Len started to make an excuse. Barry quickly rolled over and kicked him without force in the shin to silence him.

 

“You promised me you would stop lying.”

 

It was an old promise made years and years ago, but Len had meant what he said then, and Barry wasn’t willing to let it go.

 

Len grumbled inaudibly, but he did close his eyes. “Fine. I’ll sleep if you do.”

 

* * *

 

**_4:13 pm, March 2nd, 2014 - CCPD Downtown Precinct Forensic Lab, Central City_ **

 

In the last several months, life in Central City had taken a turn for the strange and unusual, and Barry’s work was no exception. Metahumans had been popping up all over Central City, and the vast majority of them did not use their newfound power for good. So far, no publically known meta had.

 

Barry liked to think he counted in the metahumans working for the public good category rather than against, but seeing as how he and three of Central City’s most talented thieves were the only ones who knew of Barry’s genetically altered status, he wasn’t actually helping the meta public image.

 

He should be. Barry shouldn’t be so selfish as to keep all this to himself when he could be helping, but he was too much of a coward. Central City as a whole had become pretty volatile towards metahumans, and Barry wasn’t sure how people would react to his decision to stay silent for so long.

 

Plus if he admitted what he was, Barry would become one of the most heavily monitored people in the city, and he couldn’t afford to bring that kind of attention down on himself. The second any of his coworkers found out about how he could heal, his relationship with Len was over.

 

Not to mention that fact that STAR Labs was practically chomping at the bit for access to metas to study, and Barry was not willing to have his abilities tested. He may heal, but he felt every bit of pain from his injuries and the healing process.

 

“What’s with the long face, son? You should be celebrating!” Joe clapped his shoulder as he spoke. Barry jumped far more than he would admit to at the action. He hadn’t even realized Joe came into his and Julian’s shared lab.

 

Barry forced what he hoped was a convincing smile. “I’ll celebrate later. I’ve still got a lot of work to process the Nimbus case.”

 

“Yeah, but he is the first meta the CCPD has successfully gotten behind bars. Plus, I know you were excited to show up Julian on this one. Don’t try and front with me, Kiddo,” Joe gloated, shining with pride at his arrest. “C’mon Barry, let me see a smile. You’d think my children could be excited for me.”

 

Considering the psychopathic gas meta had been targeting him personally, it was pretty fair that Joe was glowing so much. The whole of Central City was singing Joe’s praises that night for working with STAR Labs to get Nimbus in. Barry wasn’t sure how he felt personally about suggesting Joe work with them, but he couldn’t deny the results. At least Kyle Nimbus wasn’t still wrecking the city or dead like the rest of the publically known metahumans.

 

“He’s not though. Nimbus is in the STAR Labs pipeline,” Barry told Joe.

 

He hated the way Joe’s face fell a little at the reminder, but he wanted his foster father to understand where he was coming from. There was something wrong with the idea of locking up a criminal in a private scientific facility like that, especially since STAR Labs were the ones who caused this in the first place.

 

“It’s the same thing though, Barr,” Joe disagreed. “The paperwork to make it a legal holding facility is being fast-tracked too, and there’s not a judge in Central City that would let that monster roam free after what he’s done. Same is going on in Washington with the Metahuman Registration Act. We’re gonna get a hang on all this metahuman mess soon, so you don’t have to be so worried.”

 

Joe had a point. A horrible, terrifying point. All the judges in Central City were going to ignore due process to make sure that Kyle Nimbus stayed in jail. In theory, it was a good thing, but Barry was still terrified by the thought. This was sure to be only the first step of many like it if the national laws being discussed actually passed.

 

“You’re right, Joe,” Barry sighed, trying to convince himself it wasn’t a lie. “I’m just being a sleepy grump. I know you, me, and Iris had dinner plans, but do you think Iris would kill us if I backed out? All I want is to go home and sleep.”

 

Joe laughed at the thought of Iris’s reaction to Barry backing out of his second family dinner that month, just like Barry hoped. “She may try, but I’ll get her to wait until tomorrow. I know you’ve been working nonstop for this case.”

 

Barry responded with what he thought was his thanks, but couldn’t be actually sure. He just wanted Joe gone so he could be alone once more. He was probably the only one in precinct not thrilled with the way the day was shaping up, and Barry was exhausted keeping this front up.

 

The minute Joe was out of his lab, Barry reached for his cellphone. It took only moments to text Len. He needed to see him tonight, and preferably Lisa and Mick too. Barry needed to tell them about the pipeline, but most importantly he needed see for himself that they were still alright.

 

It was a foolish concern. Barry would’ve heard if someone had any leads on the Snarts and Mick. Especially if anyone suspected the Mick and Lisa were metas now that Barry and Julian had become the main metahuman CSIs since the Particle Accelerator exploded.

 

He couldn’t stop the worry anyways.

 

Barry’s phone chimed, pulling him from his thoughts. He smiled at the words, and how well his boyfriend knew him.

 

_Your place or Safehouse #7?_

 

* * *

 

**_1:26 pm, October 13, 2017 - Rogues Safehouse #7, Stone Woods at the Edge of Keystone County_ **

 

Barry was laughing for one of the first times in days, planning some sort of new tech with Cisco, Hartley, and Ronnie that Len wasn’t planning to even try to understand until the later phases. He looked beautiful with his long neck on display, head tilted back and blinding smile lighting up his whole face. Len’s chest was absolutely aching with the sight, but he had no intentions of looking away. At least not until Barry looked his way.

 

He wished he still had permission to touch him again. The first day or so that Barry was back with him, he had been clinging to everyone around him for comfort, which went doubly fo Len. Somehow, he’d forgotten how addicted to Barry’s touch he was when they were together, but as soon as Barry brought the memory back, he’d retreated once more. Even though he was still with them, Barry had started shying away from the his touch.

 

It made perfect sense after what happened to Barry, but Len hated it. He wanted to wrap Barry in his arms and protect him from the world, just like Barry had let him do so many times before. But Len wasn’t allowed that anymore, so he held himself back. Barry’s comfort and safety were what mattered, not Len’s old urges.

 

“You’re staring again, buddy.”

 

Mick kicked his shin as he spoke, pulling Len’s attention away from watching Barry. Len glared at his friend, but Mick wasn’t actually watching. He was too busy playing with the fire on his fingertips.

 

“Do you have to do that inside?” snapped Len. This cabin was wood, and Mick wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings. Len liked this place, and he’d rather not lose it to one of Mick’s fits of distraction.

 

“I’ve been at this since we finished lunch. You’ve just been too busy watching the kid to notice,” grumbled Mick.

 

Len rolled his eyes, but didn’t respond. He was not going to admit it, but Mick might have actually had a point. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Barry. Len didn’t want to.

 

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” Len told him instead, forcing himself to turn in his chair so he can’t see Barry anymore.

 

Mick chuckled, raising an eyebrow at Len. Len went to say something to get back at his partner, but before he could Caitlin plopped down with them.

 

“Great timing, Caity. Mind cooling my beer?” Mick held out his drink as he spoke.

 

Caitlin pretended to be annoyed, but she did chill the drink for Mick. While Dr. Caitlin Snow may call herself Killer Frost these days, but her icy public persona never held any weight with the Rogues. It was the rest of the world and all their anti-metahuman bullshit that darkened their usually peppy doc.

 

“Did you bring up the staring thing yet?” Caitlin asked, kicking her feet into Mick’s lap.

 

Mick nodded, taking a sip of his now cold beer before he answered her. “I did. Our other resident Frosty is still trying deny it though.”

 

“And when did you two start sharing magic pants?” Len drawled, glaring at each of them.

 

Neither paid him any mind, although Mick did return his look with a way-too-amused smirk. The bastard shouldn’t be. It’s not like he didn’t get the traveling pants reference, although Caitlin did look baffled at their use of it. It wasn’t his or Mick’s fault Lisa loved the movie and forced them to watch so much when it first came out.

 

Len would’ve kicked Mick, but he didn’t want to draw the group of scientist attention towards them. After all, Mick and Caitlin were right to some degree. He couldn’t keep checking (not watching, no matter what Mick and Caitlin claimed) on Barry if he caught their attention, and Len needed to make sure Barry was handling things alright. He was still shaky after being attacked.

 

“It’s amazing Barry hasn’t noticed yet, and when he does it’s either gonna make him jump you or scare him into leaving,” Caitlin carried on, pretending that Len was actually listening to her.

 

“If you aren’t going to drop this can you please get to the point,” Len drawled, letting his own persona turn it into more of a tease. Mick and Caitlin were family, but he was also their boss, and they needed a reminder of that. What did or didn't happen with him and Barry wasn’t their business.

 

Caitlin and Mick shared another knowing glance, looking wonderfully exasperated. They also seemed to be debating which one would actually push Len. It was almost worth sitting through this awful conversation to see how easily Mick was cowed by a woman half his size without her saying a single word.

 

“The point, you asshole,” Mick paused to sigh, glaring intermittently at Len and Caitlin, “is that we like having the kid around again. Even Lisa’s starting to warm up to him. So don’t scare him off by watching  him like the lovesick fool you are every damn minute. He needs space, and you know it.”

 

“You’re both my Rogues, in case you’ve forgotten,” Len reminded them. “Shouldn’t that mean you are at least on my side? Or, better yet, completely out of my fucking business.”

 

Caitlin and Mick, traitors that they were, both burst out laughing. Len’s glaring only made it worse, and the science geeks on the other side of the room were looking over curiously. They didn’t break their circle though, so Len decided he didn’t need to punish Mick and Caitlin beyond leaving them in favor of a nap. He pushed back from his chair, scraping it intentionally against the floor in a way he knew annoyed Caitlin.

 

“I know you’re smarter than that!” Caitlin teased, calling out to Len’s retreating form.

 

Len ignored her hounding to slam the door to his room. It was only relieving until he realized that he’d robbed himself of the chance to spend time with Barry to sleep alone.

 

* * *

 

**_9:13 pm, April 14th, 2014 - Rogues Safehouse #7, Stone Woods at the Edge of Keystone County_ **

 

Len had the best hands. His slender fingers were stunning, and so very talented. If they didn’t stop simply teasing him though, touching him everywhere but where he was so desperately aching, he might actually combust. Len was the worst sometimes.

 

“Lenny… C’mon,” Barry urged, trying not to outright beg. He knew that’s what his partner was waiting for, and Barry didn’t want to give in. It would ruin their game.

 

“Please what?”

 

Barry groaned. “You know what I want. Don’t be cruel.”

 

Len laughed, full-bellied and beautifully, but he also started to slowly stroke Barry, so he decided to forgive him anyways. Barry tried to thrust into his touch, but Len’s hand on his hip help him back.

 

“There’s no rush,” Len soothed, kissing Barry deeply before he could protest. It was deep, filthy, and all consuming, just the way he liked it. If Len would move his hand a bit faster, Barry would have been content to stay like that forever.

 

“I’ll take care of you, babe,” Len promised when he pulled back. “I’ll always take care of you, and you’ll do the same for me, right?”

 

He nodded, breathless and desperate, but completely honest despite how little control he had when Len was touching him like this. “Yeah, Lenny. Always. You know I will.”

 

“Then can you do something for me?” Len asked him.

 

“If you’ll stop fucking teasing me.” Barry bucked his hips into Len’s hands again to illustrate his point, and Len finally let him. He also speed up, and Barry just about sobbed. Len had always loved to take him apart, and tonight it seemed like he was trying to beat his own record on just how desperate he could make Barry.

 

“I need something from you. Julian Albert got his hands on a doorknob Lisa golded the night of the Particle Accelerator Explosion.”

 

Barry pushed Len off him so quickly he didn’t realize what he’d done until he was falling off the bed. Len reached out him, either to help or as some nonverbal apology that Barry was not going to hear. He continued to ignore his boyfriend in favor of stomping out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

 

He was breathing heavily, trying to will his erection away as he leaned against the door when he heard Len leaning on the same place behind him.

 

“Barry?”

 

Barry snarled, “Fuck off!”

 

Len pounded on the door between them, obviously annoyed. Barry hadn’t been this angry at Len since the night he found out how exactly Len supported himself.

 

“What the hell, Barr? Let me in. Or better yet, get out of the goddamn bathroom,” Len pushed.

 

“Do you ever actually listen to me?” Barry asked, still not moving to open the door.

 

“Of course I’m listening,” Len assured him. He was speaking sweetly now, voice soft and calming as though Barry was an animal he was trying not to spook. It made him want to scream. “I’m just not leaving you alone in there to pout, not until you talk to me about why you decided to lock yourself in the bathroom.”

 

Barry huffed and banged on the door. He knew it wouldn’t get Len leave him alone, but it did make him feel mildly better.

 

“C’mon. Don’t you think you’re being a bit overdramatic?” Len switched tactics.

 

Barry pushed himself off the door at that, throwing it open so Len could see just how pissed off he was as he yelled. “Are you being serious right now? You just tried to leverage an orgasm to get me to steal evidence for you! That’s a federal offense, in case you’ve forgotten.”

 

The door was slammed closed again before Len was able to close his mouth after it had fallen open in surprise. Barry almost felt guilty for the pained grunt Len released as his finger was nearly caught in the doorframe.

 

Len was silent for so long Barry thought he’d left. He should’ve known better.

 

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t have to,” Len started slowly. He was actually thinking about his words this time, and Barry struggled let them affect him. He was right to be angry. “If it was a fingerprint or something we’d leave it, but I can’t have anyone find out Lisa and Mick are metas. They won’t… It’s not the same, not anymore. Especially not with the registration act so close to being passed. You know that, Barr.”

 

“Why couldn’t you just ask me like that the first time?”

 

“Because I’m a fucking idiot.” Len laughed, and he joined softly. Barry could hear the relief in his boyfriend’s voice when Len recognized the sound. “Seriously though, I wanted to make you feel good first, because I really fucking hate that I have to ask you for this. Which I am now realizing was a mistake, and it won’t be happening again.”

 

Barry wanted to keep raging. He sometimes hated how well Len knew him. Barry definitely didn’t like how easily his partner could calm him now, even if it was usually a blessing.

 

“You damn right it won’t. This… it’s a one time only deal, Lenny. I won’t do this again.”

 

As he spoke, Barry could hear Len sliding down the door. He’d sat down on the other side of the door, leaning against it. Barry mirrored him on his side. He wasn’t ready to face his partner yet, not in the face of what he was going to do. It made him feel foolish for feeling closer to Len by sitting with him, even with a slab of wood between them.

 

“Thank you. I don’t want you to have to do this any more than you do, but it’s my sister,” Len confessed.

 

“I know,” Barry agreed uneasily. “You’d do anything for Lisa and Mick. They’re your family.”

 

“And you. Your family too,” declared Len.

 

He was speaking softly still, as though he was still trying not to spook Barry. Like what he was saying wasn’t beautiful and messy, and so very Len-like that Barry’s heart hurt a little. Because now that Len said it, his words were obvious. For all of his boyfriend’s posturing, Barry knew Len had trouble saying the things that really mattered. Len showed him in the softness of his touch, the way he was always there for Barry, and even the extremely assholish way he’d chosen to ask for Barry’s help.

 

So Barry scrambled to his feet and threw open the door. Len would’ve fallen into Barry’s legs if he hadn’t caught his shoulder. As much as it generally would have amused him to watch Len’s usual grace abandon him, it was more important Barry help him to his feet so he could kiss him.

 

Len seemed shocked at the kiss in a way that Barry hated, so he made sure to give put all his own love and affection into their connection, as well as his anger. They broke away gasping, both leaning against the other’s forehead. Barry’s anger wasn’t gone, not completely, but it wasn’t what was important now. He could deal with Len’s utter inability to communicate later.

 

“I love you too, you fucking moron.”

 

* * *

 

**_2:47 am, October 20th, 2017 - Rogues Safehouse #7, Stone Woods at the Edge of Keystone County_ **

 

“Shut up, Lisa. You’re going to wake the whole house,” Len whisper-yelled outside of the room Barry had claimed as his own.

 

Barry could just barely make out the man’s shadow behind the door as his blearily blinked his open. There was no light falling across him from the window, so Barry figured Len was getting in a late night argument with his sister. The Snart siblings were practically nocturnal, and they tended to have most of their fights after everyone went to sleep. Barry had hated it when he was dating Len, as this was far from the first time they had woken him up during a fight.

 

He turned over in bed, pulling his sheet over his eyes as though blocking the hallway light could keep the Snarts voices out too. Nuzzling into his pillow, Barry tried to will himself to fall back asleep. If Lisa hadn’t snapped back at Len, it may have worked.

 

“Please, don’t pretend you’re actually worried about that. You just don’t want me waking up Barry.”

 

Barry winced. This was going to be an ugly fight. Lisa was obviously furious, and Len was bound to be as well now. He didn’t react well when people tried to tell him what he was thinking.

 

“I hate it when you try to tell me what I mean,” Len snapped at her.

 

Despite the seriousness of Len’s tone, Barry couldn’t stop himself from smiling out how predictable Len could be sometimes. He immediately forced it down when he realized he was amused at Leonard and Lisa fighting with each other.

 

He stopped silently berating himself when he heard Lisa’s soft reply. Barry strained to her her words, even though he knew he shouldn’t. This was a private argument, and Barry knew it was his continued presence causing it.

 

“Well I hate seeing you continuously bend over backwards to make someone happy that doesn’t care enough to do the same thing.”

 

He was tempted to get up for that, but he forced himself to stay in bed. Barry was to curious about where this argument was heading, and he wouldn’t get any answers if he interrupted them.

 

Although really, who did Lisa think she was trying to judge their relationship like that? Barry had done a lot of things for Len that were illegal, dangerous, or just plain uncomfortable. He’d given everything he could to Len. It wasn’t either of their fault that it hadn’t been enough.

 

“Lise…”

 

“No, Lenny,” Lisa interrupted him. “Let me fucking say my piece, and then I’ll leave it alone. Deal?”

 

Barry heard Len sigh through the door. Even without being able to see him, Barry knew he was rubbing a hand over the top his head, trying to force himself to release the tension that was building as his argument with Lisa escalated. Len had always been so afraid of his own temper.

 

Despite his violent reputation as Captain Cold, Len wasn’t naturally aggressive, not with those he considered family. Len would never raise a hand against Barry, Mick and Lisa, or the rest of his Rogues. Years of exposure to Lewis Snart still managed to convince him that it was a possibility, and so Len had developed a set of tics to calm down.

 

Barry’s heart hurt just hearing them now as it had every time Len had done the same thing when he fought with Barry. He didn’t know how he felt about that, and Barry was way too tired to figure it out.

 

If he let them know he was awake, he could stop this. Only, when would he be given this chance again? He’d know Len was really feeling with him still being around. Because Barry didn’t want to leave, but he didn’t know how much longer he was welcome.

 

He also knew how idiotic he was acting, and how much it was going to hurt him in the long run. After all, Barry still hadn’t managed to get over Len the first time he’d left, and that was years ago. Maybe Len wishing for him to leave would be enough to remind him how foolish he was behaving.

 

“Fine, but we’re doing this in your room,” Len agreed. Barry jumped slightly. Len and Lisa had both been silent for so long he’d assumed they had completely given up verbal communication in favor of glaring at each other for the foreseeable future. It wouldn’t be the first time.

 

“Because you don’t want to wake Barry?” Lisa needled as she started walking away.

 

“I… Yes,” Len forced out. Even with his soft tone retreating towards Lisa’s room, Barry could hear Len’s reluctance to admit Lisa was right. “I don’t want to wake Barry up with us fighting about him. You assholes may be nosy as hell, but you’re not wrong either. I don’t want to scare him off. You happy now?”

 

Len still wanted him here. After everything that had gone wrong between them, it felt like a miracle. Barry almost couldn’t believe it, even with the seemingly overwhelming evidence that he had been allowed to stay so far.

 

“Are you?”

 

Barry didn’t know if he was grateful or annoyed he couldn’t the answer to Lisa’s question over the sound of her door closing. Maybe if he’d heard what Len had to say, he would know if Barry could be happy too.

 

* * *

 

**_12:16 pm, June 3rd, 2014 - Safehouse #1, Central City_ **

 

Len ignored what felt like the millionth ding on his phone in favor of handing Hartley Rathaway one of the mugs of coffee in his hand. The young meta grimaced uncomfortably at him as he took to offered beverage. While he had initially calmed when Len sent Mick and Lisa away, Hartley had managed to become so tightly wound while Len puttered in the kitchen that he was half-convinced the kid would crack a tooth.

 

The phone he’d left at the safehouse was vibrating across the room. He made sure it was tucked safely in his pocket before he took his seat on the other side of the table from Hartley. The 10 missed calls bothered him, but not as much as Hartley’s curiosity about the phone call did. Len wanted the tech guru’s attention on him, not wondering who was on the other line.

 

“Why are you doing this?”

 

Len raised an eyebrow and chuckled at Hartley’s abruptness. The younger man was practically shaking with nerves, and Len’s reaction didn’t calm him. If anything, Hartley looked even more shaken.

 

“I mean, not that I so don’t appreciate this,” Hartley started back. He was clutching the cup in his hands so hard his knuckles were turning white. Len almost felt bad for him, but he cared a lot more about getting answers, so so kept staring at the kid until he cracked again. “The STAR Labs pipeline somehow managed to get even more terrifying than ever. Which is pretty impressive considering it exploded, but… Not the point. Why are you helping me?”

 

Len sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes entirely for Hartley benefit before he bothered answering. “I’m sorry, did you want to end up in the pipeline? It can still be arranged. Y’know, most people think the Metahuman Registration Act is going to pass tomorrow. You can be the first person they actually put through processing.”

 

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” Hartley backtracked. Somehow, despite how scared the kid looked, he managed to pull of sounding apologetic, condescending, and inquisitive. It should have pissed him off, but something about it was endearing on Hartley. Probably because of how much the scientist was reminding of Barry. Their eyes were entirely too similar. “You didn’t have to help me. In fact, you put yourself and your team at risk pulling me out when you did. So why would you bother?”

 

“I don’t suppose you’d believe me if you said I had moral issues with the treatment of metahumans?” Len drawled, playing up his cold persona so Hartley wouldn’t suspect how truthful he was being.

 

His old prison nickname, “Captain Cold”, had grown increasingly useful lately. He may not have had any powers like so many of Central’s famous criminals in the days after the accelerator explosion, but simply having a criminal moniker was useful. Particularly one that made everyone think he was such a cold-hearted bastard.

 

Still, Len stopped himself from going too far down the route of simple intimidation. If he played this right, he wouldn’t mind having the tech genius stick around, but that didn’t mean he trusted Hartley yet. If the scientist was leaving after a few more talks like this, then Len didn’t want him knowing just how much of a vulnerable he was were metahumans were concerned.

 

“Of course not. I’m a literal genius, Leonard,” Hartley bragged. “It’s why you freed me, right? I’ll admit that I’m good with tech, but I have my limits. Not many in levels of skill, but there are plenty of things I won’t do.”

 

Len’s smirk turned a little more genuine at Hartley’s words. He took a long sip from his coffee to hide it, and to see if he could make genuis squirm a bit more. Len waited until he succeeded before he put his drink down on the table. His amusement turned his smirk colder again before he addressed Hartley’s question. If Hartley was playing the moral scientist, Len could play the trusting guide.

 

“My team doesn’t need your help. We’re already the best thieves in Central City. But… Oh fuck this. We don’t trust each other at all, but if we want that to change, one of us will have to do something. So, Hartley Rathaway, can I trust you? At least a little bit. I’m may not be a genius, but I’m not stupid either.”

 

Hartley shrugged. The gesture made him look significantly more vulnerable in a way he was sure the man hated. “Depends on what you’re asking from me. I’m not going to betray you after you saved me, not without a good reason. I also won’t help you hurt people. It’s the whole reason I ended up here in the first place.”

 

“My team already doesn’t hurt innocents,” Len agreed easily. “It goes against our code. Although I gotta say, that request is a pleasant surprise considering most of Central City is convinced you were trying to maim or kill Harrison Wells wells for firing you.”

 

And there it was. Hartley’s armor finally cracked completely. Len didn’t know until that moment it was even possible for someone’s holy-than-thou arora to deflate that quickly. This kid really was full of pleasant surprises.

 

It was replaced by an obvious sense of dejection, open and full of the vulnerability that had been slipping through the cracks of Hartley’s carefully-constructed disguise. Len had a feeling that Hartley may do pretty well with him, Lisa, and Mick. Their fronts may be a lot better, but the swirling mass of emotions he saw now that Hartley let his guard down was familiar to all of them.

 

Even better, Len had a feeling he was going to be able to get the answers he wanted out of Hartley that night. He hadn’t thought it’d be nearly this easy.

 

“I was trying to find proof that I warned Harrison Wells the Particle Accelerator was likely to explode. I got it too, although it’s not on me. Revenge for him ruining my life was an added bonus.”

 

This was really turning out to be his day. The kid had actual, altruistic motivations for going after Wells. It was more than he’d hoped for.

 

Although… what the fuck? Wells knew Accelerator might explode, and he turned it on anyways? Len was suddenly very tempted go back on his own rules and take some of his frustrations out on Wells. Maybe he could convince Barry with this proof Hartley claimed to have that Wells didn’t count as an innocent.

 

Now wasn’t the time for those thoughts though. He’d have plenty of time to work on that plan later.

 

Hartley had placed his faith in Len with that admission, and he deserved some back. It was a gamble that may come back to bite him in the ass, but Len doubted it. So Len told the truth again, but without the fronts he’d used before.

 

“My sister, partner, and boyfriend are all metahumans. Even though they didn’t say it, I could tell how much it bothered them that you were being taken to STAR Labs for what basically amounted to vandalism just because you’re a meta, and not even one with a combative power. So I planned a half-assed heist as an excuse to pull you out.”

 

“So you saved me… because of your family?” Hartley asked him.

 

Len definitely had Hartley in his crosshairs. He’d feel a lot better if he wasn’t ignoring his vibrating phone again. At least he didn’t even have to bother looking at it before he turned it off. There was no doubt in his mind it was Barry, and he couldn’t take the time to let his boyfriend yell at him yet. There would be plenty of chances later.

 

“I’d do anything for them. You’re the unknown variable here, kid.”

 

Len felt like he was chaffing from this much honesty, but he kept at it anyways. Len wanted Hartley working with him, and this was what it would take.

 

Hartley seemed oddly stumped by his words. For all the kid’s talk about his intelligence, which Len knew was truthful even if it was annoying, he still hadn’t figured out how exactly he was a threat to Len. He didn’t bother holding back a snort of amusement, even though it did seem to piss him off.

 

“I don’t have to be,” Hartley spelled out slowly. Len allowed him the time, even if it was giving Hartley too much to think over his words. Hartley finally nodded, steeling his resolve before he opened his mouth again. “You may be the only person in Central City with any degree of power that isn’t trying to lock up every meta in sight. That’s more than enough for me to work with, assuming you are willing to respect a few rules about what my work contributes to.”

 

Len tried not to seem to smug yet. He was so close to what he wanted, he could taste it. “Of course. One condition though.”

 

“Which is?”

 

“You tell me who your inside man is,” directed Len with a smirk. “You may be a genius, but you’re also an amateur. I’ve gone through your plan more time than you ever bothered, and there is no way you pulled it off without the help of somebody on the STAR Labs team.”

 

Just as expected, the kid was completely floored. His cheeks were flushed, his mouth was slightly agape. If Len had any doubt before, which he hadn’t, this would have proven him right.

 

“Tell you what, Snart. You trust me enough to meet your meta friends, and I’ll let you meet mine,” Hartley countered.

 

Len smiled, for real this time.

 

“You’ve got a deal, _Pied Piper_.”

 

* * *

 

**_3:14 am, October 27, 2017 - Rogues Safehouse #7, Stone Woods at the Edge of Keystone County_ **

 

Barry couldn’t sleep. He’d been tossing and turning for hours. Len’s argument with Lisa last week was practically playing on repeat inside his head.

 

He’d already been wondering for days why Len hadn’t kicked him out yet. By all accounts, he should. Barry figured some of the Rogues might be upset with Len for it, but Mick would back him up, and Lisa was sure to be downright thrilled. She hadn’t done anything besides glare at him since he’d seen her again, all while still stubbornly refusing to stay at a different safehouse while Barry was around.

 

Barry didn’t blame her. He deserved a lot worst.

 

Len, in sharp contrast to his sister, had been nothing but a perfect gentleman. He’d cared for Barry far beyond what he had been asked. Barry needed for Len to save him, and Len hadn’t stopped. Len had helped him, even though Barry hadn’t deserved it. Just like he always used to promise.

 

Even afterwards, Len had making sure that Barry had everything he needed. He’d given him shelter, food, clothes, and all the comforts Barry would have never asked of him. Best of all, Len had made sure the space Barry had once held in his life and with the Rogues was open to him. Other than Lisa’s behavior and the complete lack of sex, it was as though he’d never left.

 

It was kind of horrible. Len was probably still in love with him.

 

Maybe. Hopefully. Or hell, Barry should probably be hoping he wasn’t. It’d be better for everyone if Len didn’t love him anymore.

 

Barry still loved Len. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, but Barry couldn’t lie about to himself. If only he hadn’t decided so long ago that love wasn’t enough. Then Barry may to see anything other than Len when his eyes were closed. The sweet way he used to smile at Barry, the way they fit perfectly together, and the way he’d held Barry when he cried the night he’d saved him. Len was always so fucking beautiful. It shouldn’t hurt him so much to picture them.

 

If Barry didn’t love Len, then he wouldn’t be able to hear things besides Len’s voice, saying all the sweet little words and promise when they were together. His arguments about Lisa, and the way he was worried about Barry leaving. It was interspaced with sounds of Len’s laughter, the way he huffed his breaths when he was annoyed and trying not to show it, and Len’s promises that he was safe.

 

It was all making him feel sick. Barry didn’t deserve any of this, especially not from Len. He was a giant fucking hypocrite. He’d left Len. Betrayed him, the Rogues, and all his fellow metahumans by leaving them in the lurch to help the CCPD track them down instead.

 

Lisa was right about him. He’d gotten Len to fall in love with him, bend over backwards to care for him, and Barry had been taking advantage of it. He’d been hurting Len for so long, and he didn’t know how to stop.

 

If only Barry could get the will to leave them all again for Len’s sake. He was always so bad at being selflessness, and Len deserved so much better. Barry hated he didn’t realize it.

 

He wasn’t the only one who was still hung up on his ex-boyfriend.

 

With a huge sigh, Barry heaved himself out of bed. Staying in it to torture himself wasn’t doing him any good, and Barry was sick of it anyways. He knew there was only one thing that would let him sleep at this point, and Barry didn’t have it in him anymore to keep fighting.

 

He was walking through the door to Len’s room before he could think of a proper excuse. Barry didn’t have a reason for being in there. The room he used to share with Barry, but that Barry didn’t have a right to anymore. He didn’t have an excuse, and Barry didn’t have any time either. Len was awake, blinking in Barry’s direction and face wrinkled with confusion.

 

“Barry? What’s...” Len snuffled. He tried to keep going, but he was yawning to big to get the words out. Barry forced himself not to react to the sheer adorableness of it until after Len finished what he was trying to say. “... What’s wrong? Do you need something?”

 

Barry didn’t have anything thing left to hide behind, so he told Len the truth. “I can’t sleep. Can I stay with you, Lenny?”

 

“Always. C’mere.” Len moved over as he spoke, making a space for Barry and holding the covers open for him.

 

Barry didn’t bother with pretenses. He was too weary, and he needed to be close to Len. So rather than tossing and turning for a while longer while he pretended to adjust in his sleep, he kept moving once he was in bed. He didn’t stop until he had his arms wrapped around Len, a single leg thrown haphazardly over Len’s lower half.

 

Len froze completely under him. Barry tried to pull back, worried he’d taken things too far, but Len returned his grip before he’d pulled them apart. “Go to sleep, Barry. I've got you.”

 

Barry nodded against Len’s chest before he settled down into the larger man’s embrace and finally let himself succumb to sleep.

 

* * *

 

**_3:48 pm, September 14th, 2014 - Safehouse #13, Central City_ **

 

“What’d you want, Ramon?” Len snapped without looking up from the blueprints he was working on.

 

Cisco had been hanging out nervously in the door for a few minutes. Len had tried ignoring him in hopes he’d go bother Lisa without whatever problem he had. Generally speaking, Cisco prefered to go to her anyways. He had a crush on her the size of Texas.

 

Len wholeheartedly approved of the scientist's affections. Cisco was a nice guy, although Len was never admitting to it aloud. When Lisa finally stopped messing around and started to date the former Star Labs employee, Cisco was going to treat her like a princess. It also had the added benefit that Cisco usually bothered his sister instead of Len.

 

“Don’t be mean,” Barry scolded him from his reading nook, untangling himself to greet his friend. “Hey Cisco!”

 

The young metahuman engineer had become fast friends with Len's boyfriend. He was already working to avoid the future double dates that those three were going to try and force him into. He’d had good luck so far pushing Lisa, Ronnie, and Caitlin together so she’d shoot for couples dates with them instead. Lisa and Killer Frost were a more terrifying combo than he initially planned for, but Len still maintained it was worth it.

 

His own personal - never to be spoken out loud - fondness for Cisco aside, Len still preferred the kid stay a bit afraid of him. It kept his hyperactivity from getting too much. Plus, since Cisco was going likely to be dating his sister soon, it made Len’s job easier to have a base level of fear for his threats to really take. No matter how much Len liked her suiters, Len was always willings to protect Lisa with what most considered to be unreasonable standards. 

 

So Len rolled his eyes at Barry, making sure Cisco could see him too from where he was twiddling his thumbs by the doorway.

 

“Er… I’m sorry to bother you, boss, but there is something I - well we, actually - need to show you. Both of you, if you aren’t too busy Barr.”

 

“Not a good time. We’ll check it out later,” Len informed him.

 

Something was wrong with the STAR Labs blueprints, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. The design was off somehow around the accelerator and the hallways surrounding it. The dimensions looked right on paper, but they contradicted everything he knew about the the building from the STAR Labs crew. Measurements he knew to be correct after making Cisco, Caitlin, and Ronnie recheck the spaces a half-dozen times just didn't measure up.

 

Len moved around the table, facing Cisco fully now. He didn’t look up though. Cisco might get the wrong impression Len looked because of him instead of simply trying to get a new view of the building. He could deal with whatever distractions Cisco was blabbering about later.

 

“Er… Lisa said you might say that. She said I’m not supposed to take no for an answer?”

 

He rolled his eyes at the blueprints this time. Cisco probably was watching for it anyways, so Len wasn’t worried about the message not getting through. He was fully prepared to keep working, at least until Barry inserted himself in the space between Len and the table.

 

“Perfect! I’m dying of boredom here, and he’s been at this for hours. Lenny, let’s go.”

 

Barry tugged on Len’s arms as he spoke, ruining Len’s attempts to bracket him against the table. He pushed against Len, trying to move him towards Cisco and the door. Len let him get far enough to be pushed flush against Len before he stopped his boyfriend in his tracks.

 

“If you’re bored, Barr, I can think of a way better to keep you entertained,” Len whispered in Barry’s ear.

 

His lips brushed the shell of Barry’s ear as he spoke. Barry’s ears were always so sensitive. It was Len’s favorite way to get his boyfriend riled up when with company. Len tongued gently at Barry’s outer shell of it as he relaxed into Len’s embrace. Barry’s cock was stirring against Len’s thigh, and Len could hear Cisco giving this up as a lost cause.

 

“Mmm,” Barry mumbled, tilting his head to the side to give Len better access. Len moved in, and had a single moment with Barry neck before Barry pulled away. He took Len with him using a light grip on Barry’s wrist. “Nice try. Hold up Cisco!”

 

Len groaned, but he indulged Barry. His partner wasn’t letting this go apparently, and while Len could say no to Cisco Ramon all day long, he was helpless against Barry’s whims. Barry had held him captive to his desires since they day he came into his life, and Leonard was sure he always would be.

 

So Len followed Barry as he and Cisco chattered away about… well, something. Len stopped paying attention the moment he heard Cisco utter the words ‘my new, sweet ass baby.’ The kid was either talking about one of his current projects or Len’s sister, neither of which he was willing to hear about in that capacity.

 

“... and here we are. C’mon boss man. You’re gonna love this!” Cisco enthused as they entered his workshop.

 

He’d expected Lisa would be there, but he was suprsied to find most of the rest of his team. Mick, Caitlin, Ronnie, Stein, and Hartley were all scattered around Cisco’s work table. Len came in just in time to see Hartley slap Mick’s hand away from whatever they had all been working on.

 

“You little fucker, I’m gonna...” Mick started in, pulling him into a headlock.

 

“Mr. Rory!” Stein exclaimed. Ronnie and Caitlin moved in to help Hartley, failing to keep their snickering at bay.

 

“Mick! Let the kid go,” Len drawled, moving closer to the center of the room.

 

Hartley jerked completely back from the table when Mick let him go, revealing what the team had been crowded around. There was some kind of gun on the table, but it was completely unlike any other piece he’d ever seen. It was strange metal that was bulky yet still sleek. It was beautiful. Even better, with the way Cisco took him from his work and the stares he was getting from the rest, Len knew it was all for him.

 

“You made him a gun?” Barry asked. It seemed his partner realized what this all meant too. Len squeezed Barry’s wrist lightly before he moved towards the table.

 

Everyone in Cisco’s cramped workspace all watched him pick of the pick up the gun. He didn’t touch the trigger, not with how unsure he was of what it was capable of. Len only wanted a feel for the piece. Len liked it even more now it was in his hands. It was lighter than he expected, but Len was positive that Cisco and the rest of their science crew would make sure it packed quite the punch.

 

“Yeah man!” Cisco exclaimed, jumping on the balls of his feet as he showed off the gun. “A piece worthy of our leader too. I figured someone leading a crew of metas deserves something for his own personal badassery to help set him apart. So I worked with your nickname, Captain Cold, and you made you this beauty.”

 

“With our help, of course,” Stein cut in.

 

“And? What does it do? I don’t have all day,” Len drawled.

 

Despite his posturing, Len was impressed. Whatever this gun did, he could sense its importance. He was even… touched. Len didn’t think it was possible for anyone besides Lisa, Barry, or Mick to do that anymore. Yet somehow Cisco Ramon and the rest of the STAR Labs crew accomplished it.

 

“Oh man. You’re gonna loved this,” Cisco gloated. Len let it go with a smile, figuring the engineer earned this one. “This baby shoots waves of absolute zero. It’s works of a similar principle to Cait’s powers, meaning it makes the molecules it touches colder rather than shooting ice. Only what’s coming through your gun is colder and more concentrated.”

 

“Len doesn’t - you don’t need a gun like that. Why would you make something like that?” Barry complained. He was shaking his head and stumbling over his words.

 

It felt like Len was shot with his own, new gun. He knew that tone on Barry, and he really didn’t like it. Barry was upset, even more than his fumbling words and lost face implied. He’d had it for less than five minutes, but Len already knew he couldn’t give this piece up.

 

This gun was too powerful, not to mention something that his team was bonding over. The STAR Labs crew wouldn’t have made it for him they weren’t accepting his leading role in their team, and Len couldn’t afford to spit in the face of that.

 

Shit, this was not going to be pretty. Len really wished Cisco hadn’t invited Barry along with them. His freak out would have been so much easier to deal with in private. It’d be way easier to talk Barry down if blowing him was an option.

 

“What are you on about?” Lisa remarked with an eyeroll. Len was tempted to throttle her. Couldn’t she see she pushing Barry even farther away?

 

“Do you have any idea how much damage that thing can do? Lenny, just because you’ve been leading metas, doesn’t mean you need a goddamn absolute zero gun. You and your Rogues cause enough damage without it,” Barry pleaded.

 

By the end of his little speech, Barry had turned completely away from everyone else in the room to face Len. He wasn’t begging yet, but Barry would be soon. Len was going to have to tell him no in front of everyone. If Len didn’t play this right he was going to end up in so much shit with either his partner of his team. Maybe even both.

 

“Rogues? Hmm… I like it,” Len lightly commented.

 

He needed a moment to think, and Len hoped changing the subject might be enough to get him off topic long enough for this conversation to move somewhere more private. Besides, he really was partial to Rogues. Barry did always have such a nice way with words.

 

He shifted the gun to pull him close, and Barry grudgingly allowed it. His lower lip was sticking out in an adorable pout, so he kissed it gently. His eyes softened sweetly, but he still looked distressed.

 

“Seriously? That’s what you’re focusing on,” Barry grumbled to Len. He was ignoring their audience, something Len was thrilled about.

 

“Calm down, Barry. It’s not like we don’t have rules. No one is going to get hurt with this. Not with Len wielding it,” Cisco cut in.

 

Len barely managed to hold back his wince. He had been so close to talking Barry down until they could talk on private, only to have Cisco come in ruin it by saying what may have been the worst possible thing. Worse, Len couldn’t even lash out at Cisco. It’d only make Barry more upset, not to mention that the kid had just done him a humongous favor that was going to help him solidify his position as the leader of the Rogues. It’d be cruel to lash out at him now.

 

“You can’t be sure of that!” Barry argued back.

 

“Back down, kid. You may be the boss's main squeeze, but you don’t work with us,” Mick snapped, pushing up from the table and stepping in front of Cisco.

 

He realized, belatedly, it was a protective stance. Len didn’t know when Mick and Cisco had become close enough for that to happen. The lines between the STAR Labs crew and his own had become so muddled that even he was starting to have trouble keeping them separate. With the way the world was changing, the only line that seemed to matter was meta or human.

 

“Mick,” Len warned, trying to get across how much of a pain in his ass his friend’s argument was going to cause him. As usual, Mick ignored him.

 

“No Snart. Kid gets a say in a lot, but not in our work. _I’m_ your partner with this, _pal_.”

 

Caitlin cut in at this point. The woman was, by far, one of his favorite new additions. She had a knack for situations like this, and was one of the few people they worked with calm enough to actually help.

 

“Maybe we should all calm down. Barry’s got some legitimate concerns, but we’ve already addressed them. This gun will be safe as long as it’s Len, and with all of our powers and his knack for planning, no one is going to be able to take it from him.”

 

“Screw this. You guys want to fool around with this stuff, and I obviously can’t stop you. Just leave me the hell out of it,” Barry snorted.

 

He ripped his arm from Len’s grasp as he spoke, stalking out of the room. Len wanted to follow him and grovel for forgiveness. Let him know that handling this gun was to protect his family and his...  _Rogues_. It’d help him keep Barry safe.

 

Len didn’t. Barry would get over this, just like he had everything else. In the meantime, Len had a brand new toy try out and a crew to thank for it.

 

* * *

 

**_9:05 am on November 4, 2017 - Rogues Safehouse #7, Stone Woods at the Edge of Keystone County_ **

 

Barry could feel himself start to panic when he woke up and saw that Captain Singh was calling him. He had absolutely no desire to answer the call. However he also didn’t want to get fired, and Barry knew from all his conversations with Joe that the Captain’s patience was running out.

 

“Hello,” Barry greeted as he picked up the phone. He willed himself not to fidget as he spoke, hoping that suppressing his the tick would be enough to keep Singh from being able to hear his frayed nerves.

 

“That you, Allen? You sound like hell,” the Captain commented gruffly.

 

Barry wanted to protest to the accusation since he was simply nervous and half asleep, but it did work in his favor. If Singh thought he sounded sick, he was less likely to start poking holes in Barry’s lies. After all, he’d told Joe, Singh and the rest of the rest of the CCPD he was home with pneumonia. It’d been hell keeping the Wests away, but from the sounds of things it was paying off.

 

So Barry faked a cough into the phone to help sell his rouse. His voice was still thick with sleep, making it sound convincingly sickly. “Not feeling too great either, Captain.”

 

“Sorry to hear that. You’re gonna have to come in anyways.”

 

The blood turned icy at his veins as though Len or Caitlin had turned their powers on him. He couldn’t go back. Barry wasn’t ready to be at the precinct. Not after what he had done, and definitely not after who’d he spent the last several weeks with. The Rogues were despised by the CCPD, and Barry worried about what would happen if someone found out how closely he was associated with them.

 

He definitely wasn’t ready when Singh was asking this way. What if he found out what Barry did, and this was his way of getting Barry in for questioning?

 

“I don’t…” Barry started, faking a set of chest-wracking coughs before he could finish. Anything to help sell his story and get him more time off. He could feel guilty about this later. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m still not doing well, and I’d hate to give this to somebody else.”

 

“Tough luck. HR needs you back in the office by the 6th, or you’re fired,” Captain Singh retorted.

 

“What do you mean? CCPD doesn’t have a limit to allotted sick leave for unionized employees,” Barry tried, confused about the threat. He knew Singh would be prodding him to return, but he shouldn’t be able to threaten Barry like that. It wasn’t like his Captain at all to issue idle threats.

 

Singh sighed. Even through the phone, Barry could feel the glare he knew came with it. “That’s only true when said employee is able to prove they’ve been sick. You’ve ignored the HR request for proof from your doctors. You’re lucky that Joe was able to vouch for you long enough to get you a month.”

 

“Captain, I can’t,” Barry argued.

 

He wasn’t ready yet. Barry didn’t know how to walk back into the CCPD as a killer. It’d been bad enough before when he was with Len, but Barry hadn’t really been a criminal until now.

 

“You come in, and if you’re really that sick we’ll work something out. Having you here for it is non-negotiable though. Make an appointment with HR, and fix this. I don’t want to lose one of my best CSIs because you hate paperwork.”

 

The dial tone wrung in his ear. Singh hadn’t given him a chance to respond. Barry wanted to be annoyed at the abrupt ending, but the feeling wouldn’t come. After all, Singh had already been pretty lenient with him. The Captain could be hard on him, but he was also 100% sure that Joe couldn’t have kept Kendra in HR off his back for a full month on his own. The woman was like a hawk.

 

Barry didn’t know what to do, so he decided on nothing after dropping his arms in his lap. He couldn’t even convince himself to put his phone back on the bedside table.

 

Time seemed to lose meaning as he stared down his phone. It wasn’t helping him unclench his fist like he’d hoped at first, but it was something to do that wasn’t completely freaking out. At least Barry felt like it was.

 

“Barry! What the hell man? What happened?”

 

Cisco, it seemed, disagreed.

 

Barry was finally able to get ahold of himself long enough to look up at the sound of Cisco’s voice. He hadn’t heard his door open, and he couldn’t bring himself to do more than watch as Cisco quickly closed it again. His friend made his way across the room to throw himself into Barry’s bed with him.

 

“C’mon man. Talk to me. You like your about to hurl, and I know you aren’t sick,” Cisco prodded.

 

He was wriggling as he spoke, working to comfortably arrange them both so Cisco could get an arm around Barry’s shoulders, despite the several extra inches Barry had on his friend. Barry let himself be adjusted, shifting down the bed so he could rest his head on Cisco’s shoulder too.

 

“My boss might too. He called and said I have until the 6th to come back to work, or I’m fired,” he admitted to Cisco.

 

Cisco’s arm around him slacked briefly in surprise, but he quickly gained control of himself again. Barry was glad Cisco was the one who found him. He wasn’t one of the most level-headed of the Rogues, but he was by far the friendliest, and definitely one of the ones least likely to freak out on him for mentioning his return to the CCPD.

 

Although Lisa may kill him if she saw Cisco in his bed. It hadn’t bothered her when they had game nights before he and Len had broken up, but Barry doubted that he’d be given the same leeway now that he was single. Especially since Lisa hadn’t forgiven him for breaking up with Len in the first place.

 

“Shit man. Any way to get out of it?”

 

Barry shook his head. It was kind of awkward while leaning against Cisco, but he figured the intent was what mattered. “Not if I want to keep my job.”

 

“Well… Do you?”

 

Barry pushed himself away from Cisco. The sudden absence of warmth and comfort Cisco had been offering him made feel even colder than when he’d manage to freeze himself. He couldn’t go back though.

 

“Of course! I… being a CSI’s all I ever wanted to do. Why would I leave?”

 

It didn’t look like Cisco believed him. He was squinting at Barry with the same look Barry’d seen him direct at tech a million times. Like he was trying to piece together how something worked, and a piece inside wasn’t working right.

 

“I can’t answer that for you,” Cisco responded. “You certainly don’t seem to like want to go back though. Maybe it’s because the CCPD’s having you chase metas these days rather than help people, or maybe it’s because you’re still in love with Len.”

 

That wasn’t true. At least, not about his work. Barry already knew how tangled up in Len he still was, but everything else Cisco said was wrong. It had to be. He’d always loved being a CSI. Barry had given up everything for it before. He’d just needed a break.

 

He still chased non-meta criminals. Sure, the cases were getting increasingly rare these days, but he still had them. The last case he’d had before he’d gotten back with the Rogues was a completely normal robbery gone wrong.

 

Not too unlike what would have happened to him if he wasn’t a metahuman. Only, Barry had been able to help prosecute the man who killed his John Doe, whereas if Barry would have been the one to end up with a prison sentence if the Len and the Rogues hadn’t taken care of things for him.

 

But Barry already knew all that. He wasn’t happy about it, but it was something he’d learned to deal with. It protected people usually. Not people like him though, or the teenage metal-based meta he’d nearly gotten arrested before his robbery case, or any of the dozens of others he’d helped the CCPD screw over.

 

“I already made that choice, Cisco.”

 

It wasn’t a real answer to any of his own or his friend’s questions, but it wasn’t wrong either. His own feelings didn’t matter. Barry didn’t have the right anymore, not with the Rogues.

 

“You made a choice, yeah. A shitty one too, if you don’t mind me saying, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make a new, better one,” Cisco scoffed.

 

Barry shook his head, not wanting to let his mind go down that path. “It’s too late.”

 

“It really isn’t. You’re gonna have to forgive me for nosing into your business, because I’m doing it anyways,” Cisco barrelled on.

 

His friend was, as always, stubbornly optimistic. Barry wished he shared the feeling. He wished he could still picture a future with Len.

 

“Cisco, I don’t think...”

 

“No, you are thinking too much,” Cisco snapped. “That’s your problem. Len is just as gone as you as he’s always been, and I think we both know that kind of love from someone like him isn’t something you’re ever going to be able to replace, especially not when you are obviously just as gone on him as you ever were when we met. And that, my friend, means you're always going to have a place with us.”

 

Cisco squeezed his arm gently as he spoke. Barry let himself be pulled into a gentle hug, and he forced himself not to react when Cisco released him far too quickly. Barry wasn’t ready to be left alone yet.

 

“But Barry, if you really enjoy spending all your time locking up us Rogues and the rest of Central’s metas, then go back to work. We won’t stop you. Forget about Len if you do though, because the rest of the Rogues aren’t going to be so forgiving next time we see you. Hell if Lisa had her way, she’d have already made Len a nice golden dildo _just_ like you, if you know what I mean.”

 

It was a nice thought, even if staying with the Rogues wasn’t an option. No matter what Cisco was trying to tell him, it couldn’t work. Barry had to go back. Right? He didn’t know Barry how to explain it to Cisco. None of the Rogues would ever believe that he wasn’t leaving for himself this time.

 

“I don’t know,” Barry decided on instead.

 

Cisco, once again, did not agree with him. He poked Barry’s side sharply, jumped off the bed before he could retaliate. His friend moved all the way to the door before he paused.

 

“You do know, even if you won’t admit it,” Cisco told him.

 

The door shut gently behind Cisco as he left Barry alone again. It felt like a bang.

 

* * *

 

**_5:48 pm, January 23rd, 2015 - Safehouse #4, Central City_ **

 

“I need to talk to you, Len,” Barry informed his boyfriend, slamming the door shut behind him as he entered what used to be the manager’s office of the warehouse Len had converted into one of his creepier safehouses.

 

“Not now. I’m in the middle of something,” Len responded.

 

His boyfriend broke away from the plans he was looking at to give him a quick kiss. Barry sunk into Len briefly, but Len pulled back from him before he could take enough of the offered comfort. He moved to the other side of the table before Barry could even think to pull him back. Barry tried to tell himself that his the tightness in his chest was nothing like heartbreak.

 

He didn’t believe it any more than he believed that he’d be able to forget the plans Len was looking over were for the Central City Gold Reserve. The CCPD was supposed to be helping them move through a huge shipment next week that was apparently going to be robbed by the Rogues.

 

It was same sense of denial Barry used with himself when he lied at the crime scene and all of his reports.

 

“Tough shit, Lenny. This can’t wait.”

 

Len tutted over his papers, but he didn’t bother looking up again. He was too busy tracing along lines of the papers on his table. So Barry grabbed the damned things, made them into a giant paper ball, and tossed them in the trash can at Len’s feet.

 

“What the fuck? I was in the middle of something there,” growled Len through his pursed lips. Like he had the right to be angry when Barry was the one who’d been completely betrayed.

 

“Of course you are. After all, you’ve got a new Rogue to test right?” Barry shot back.

 

“So that’s what this is about, huh? Barr…”

 

He cut Len off, unable to hear anymore of his justifications. Barry had no desire to listen to his usual, twisted words. Len could talk his way out of anything, but only if Barry slowed down enough to listen to it.

 

“Don’t ‘Barr’ me! Assholes that work with people who try to kill my family don’t get to use nicknames.”

 

“Mark Mardon’s not gonna hurt your foster father or anyone else now. He knows the rules, just like you do.” Len’s sneer was twitching with rage, but his hands were still gentle when they framed Barry’s face. “Why do you think I brought him in? This way, Mardon has to play by my rules, and he won’t be able to touch you or your family.”

 

“Like he would’ve been if he’d ended up the pipeline, you mean?” Barry jeered.

 

“It wouldn’t have held him,” Len insisted.

 

“How do you know that?” Barry asked him. Len went to protest, but he didn’t want to hear it. “And no more of your bullshit this time. I’ve had it up to here with that crap. I was patient when you recruited the STAR Labs crew, San Souci, Baez, and even Bivolo, but this is too much. You need to cut Mardon lose.”

 

Len snorted. “You want me to release a metahuman with the power to control the weather, who has you in mind as one of him main targets, into Central City with no rules to hold him back? Have you completely lost your mind?”

 

Barry paused before he spoke, leaning against the table to brace himself against what Len was going to say. Len was going to hate his plan, but Barry couldn’t back down. Not this time. He’d sat back and watched Len get away with too much already.

 

Mark Mardon was too dangerous. He’d try to kill Joe and Iris, and Barry was certain that if Mardon stayed free, he’d do it again. The Rogues' rules wouldn’t hold him back.

 

“No,” Barry conceded, begrudged to admit that Len had a least a bit of a point. “I want you to make sure he ends up in the pipeline.”

 

Len’s whole face closed down at Barry demand. His arms were crossing tightly over his chest as though it would guard him from Barry’s fury. Surely Len couldn’t actually be surprised that Barry couldn’t have him around?

 

“I can’t do that,” Len disagreed vehemently. “You know I can’t. If I let Mardon end up at STAR Labs, I’m gonna lose all the ground the Rogues have gained with meta community. No one is going to trust us again.”

 

Barry shook his head, pretending Len wasn’t trying to explain away something like this. “What about me? You want me to trust you? Because if that fucking monster stays free, I don’t think I’m going to be able to.”

 

Len tried to move towards him again. Barry didn’t care. He didn’t want Len to touch him right now. If Len got his hands on Barry, he’d be able to pull him into this insanity. It’d happen too many times before for him to doubt it.

 

He moved away from Len and around the table to avoid his outstretched hands. If Len hadn’t done the same thing when Barry had gotten there, he might have felt guilty. As it was, he simply felt hollow.

 

“I won’t let him hurt you,” Len swore.

 

Laughter spilled from his lips, seemingly without his control. God, when had Len become the naive one in their relationship?

 

“Do you really think you can stop Mardon?” Barry asked him, failing to keep the scorn out of his voice. “You may have a fancy gun, but _he can control the fucking weather_. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? He may be the most powerful meta yet, and he wants to hurt my family. Mardon has got to be locked up.”

 

“I can’t do that,” Len tried to defend himself, arms raised placating. The jerk was treating this like a temper tantrum, Barry realized.

 

He scowled deeply at Len, jutting his chin out and gritting his teeth in a concentrated effort to not completely snap. Barry had never been so tempted to simply leave Len behind, not even when he’d found out what Len really did for a living.

 

“Why the hell not? You always tell me you’d do anything for me, so why can’t you do this?” Barry went for begging now. He needed Mardon gone, in the STAR Labs pipeline and out of their lives forever.

 

“Because I am doing this for you!” Len yelled, finally losing his cool. It was a lot less satisfying than Barry imagined, especially when his boyfriend kept hollering. “Why can’t you see that, Barry? All of this - the Rogues, the work with the metas, and all my jobs since the accelerator exploded - it’s all for you, Lisa, and Mick. The Rogues make you all safer, even if you refuse to see it, and Mardon being a part of the Rogues is a huge part of that.”

 

Len may have, officially, gone off the deep end. Trying to justify the Rogues and all their actions as being for Barry? He loved Len with every part of himself, but Barry hate the fact that he was a criminal. He’d spent his entire life trying to do the right thing, and Len’s utter disregard of the concept was painful in a way he still couldn’t explain.

 

How could Len use Barry to justify this?

 

Barry could barely keep himself from striking out at Len and making him see what utter stupidity he was spewing. He couldn’t though. Not even when his feelings obviously didn’t matter to Len the same way Barry cared about Len’s. Barry made his way to the door. He couldn’t stay and fight this out, not like this.

 

“Telling yourself that doesn’t make it true, but if you want to keep lying to yourself go right ahead. I can’t handle this right now,” retorted Barry, pausing before he reached for the door.

 

“C’mon Barry. Listen to me. You gotta know I’m right, even if you don’t want to admit it.”

 

Len was the one pleading now. Barry wished he hadn’t bothered pausing to listen to it. He slammed the door behind him.

 

“Forget it, Leonard. You were right. We really don’t need to talk right now.”

 

* * *

 

**_8:13 pm, November 5, 2017 Gas Station Bathroom, Highway 142 Leading into Central City_ **

 

It shouldn’t be possible for someone to look attractive pumping gas. Len was a freaking marvel. Or hell, maybe he was a metahuman after all, and this was his power - turning Barry into a complete and utter fool for him. Because pumping gas is a decidedly unsexy action, particularly when all the person had to do was stand there and wait for the hose to stop.

 

Was he going through withdrawal from Len already? Barry full expected it, but he still figured that it wouldn’t hit until after he was actually away from his ex-boyfriend.

 

At least Barry had practice with handling this particular affliction.

 

“Are you sure you don’t need to use the bathroom? Or need to get a snack? I know how much you hate road tripping without supplies,” Len offered as he rejoined Barry in the jeep.

 

He wanted to say yes. He really did hate taking road trips without proper snacks, and this gas station had slushies. He couldn’t go in though. Barry couldn’t do anything. It would just be delaying the inevitable, so Barry shook his head no instead.

 

“Alright-e then,” Len said under his breath, putting the car back in gear and pulling away from the gas station.

 

Barry didn’t think that he wasn’t supposed to hear Len’s grumbling, so he stayed silent. It didn’t matter how much it hurt him, as long as Len was alright.

 

Only, Len didn’t look well. As the minutes passed by and they got closer to Central City, his face became increasingly drawn, his grip on the steering wheel had to painful with how white his knuckles were, and - most importantly - his eyes were becoming clouded with grief.

 

Barry wanted to kiss it away. He couldn’t stand any of it.

 

“Stop the car,” Barry whispered, holding his thighs to keep from reaching out for Len. He couldn’t grab for Len, not now. He didn’t have the right.

 

“What?” Len asked, eyebrows scrunched together in a manner that was entirely too adorable for Barry to process. He couldn’t be thinking about this - Len - like this now.

 

“Pull over,” Barry told him, forcing himself to speak more clearly so Len could hear him.

 

His hands were already on the door, pulling on the lock. He needed to get the hell out of the Jeep _right fucking now_. There wasn’t enough air in the small space.

 

“Hold on. Wait until we stop moving,” Len ordered him, startling as he pulled off the road, and seemingly uncaring that he cut off three cars on the process.

 

Barry all but jumped out of of the Jeep as soon as it stopped, rushing over to the tree line in hopes that the distance from Len would help him catch his breath. It wasn’t working. The air he was inhaling felt like it was laden with thousands of tiny needles, and the holes they were tearing in his lungs made it impossible to breathe.

 

His knees started to hurt, and Barry was dimly aware that he had fallen to them. The pinecone digging into his left kneecap was almost grounding, and so Barry clung to the pain to try and gain some sort of control.

 

It was gone the moment Len put a gentle hand on his shoulder. Like a breaking dam, Barry’s tears started. They were uncontrollable, stronger than he was by far. His entire body was shaking with the force of his sobs.

 

He couldn’t do this, not again. Barry was ripping out his own heart for the second time in his life, and he wasn’t sure he’d survive this time. Not now that he had been reminded why he was so in love with Leonard Snart in the first place.

 

“Shit… What’s wrong? What do you need from me?” Len sounded as lost as Barry felt, his grip on Barry shoulder tightening painfully at his words. Barry sunk into it, grabbing at Len’s hand to pull him down.

 

Len went to his knees willingly, and Barry was able to fall into his chest. He was snotting all over Len’s leather jacket, but the other man didn’t seem to mind. He was rubbing Barry’s back in slow circles, but it wasn’t soothing him. It couldn’t be if Barry wasn’t going to be able to keep this.

 

So instead, Barry simply clung to Len. These moments with Len couldn’t be it. Barry couldn’t live without more.

 

Len sniffled above him, and Barry belatedly realized that Len was crying with him. “Fuck Barr… What is this? What do you need from me?”

 

“Can I stay with you, Lenny?” Barry asked, mirroring their conversation from a last week.

 

He pulled away as he spoke, needing to see Len answer. He needed to see that Len wanted him the same way Barry did. Len would let him stay, regardless of his own feelings, but that wasn’t what he asking. Not this time. Barry was asking for Len to love him back.

 

Len smiled at him, and all of Barry’s worries floated away. It was so blindingly beautiful that he would have shut his eyes if he wasn’t too afraid of missing anything. “Always, Barr. C’mere.”

 

Despite his words, Len didn’t actually wait for Barry. He didn’t have a chance to move before Len had him wrapped tightly in his arms again, kissing him through the snot and tears. It was disgusting, and hands-down their best kiss ever.

 

* * *

 

 **_3:48 pm, April 1st, 2015 -_ ** **Safehouse #1** **_Central City_ **

 

Len was getting impatient. Barry was late, even by the special scale of time management Len had learned to use for making plans with his boyfriend. If Barry didn’t show up soon, Len was going to have to buy entirely new train tickets for them. He knew he should’ve gotten transferable tickets, but Barry had been so sure he’d actually be on time for once. Len was an idiot for believing it.

 

A knock on his front door interrupted his frantic pacing as he forced himself to not throw the door open forcefully. It was probably just Tracey from down the hall who constantly seemed to be losing one of her cats. Barry was always amused by her antics, but Len found the blonde’s propensity for losing her animals annoying.

 

“I haven’t seen…” Len started. He cut himself off quickly. “You’re not Tracey. Why aren’t you using your key?”

 

It was Barry at his door without any of his things. He looked absolutely horrible. His eyes were red and puffy like he’d been crying, and he was practically pulling his hair out with the force he was using to run his hand through it.

 

“What’s wrong, babe? Where is your bag?” Len huffed.

 

Barry would have started talking himself if he wanted to talk about why he was so upset, so he didn’t bother asking. Besides, Len had a horrible feeling that Barry’s lack of a bag was the same reason he looked so upset.

 

Barry shook his head, forcing his way past Len into the apartment safehouse. Len didn’t know why he’d do that. He would’ve let Barry easily. He’d always let Barry into his life, wherever and whenever he wanted.

 

“You told me we were going to relive our trip to Starling,” Barry started instead.

 

Len’s confusion, along with his panic, mounted significantly. Why was Barry saying these things, and where was his overnight bag? Barry knew they were supposed to be leaving. Actually, they were supposed to have left an hour ago according to Barry, and a half-hour ago according to Len’s adjusted Barry scheduling.

 

Len had surprised Barry with this trip last week. He’d arranged for Barry to get a week of work, which was not easy considering he was one of the city’s Most Wanted. He’d also gotten the same room they stayed at last time they went to Starling. It was supposed to be a chance for them to grow together again. They needed an escape from the mess their lives were becoming.

 

“I did, and we are. Thought you were excited about it too,” Len agreed.

 

Unexpectedly, Barry face closed off at his words. His sadness ebbed away and was replaced with a deep rage. Barry’s fist were balled tightly at his side, and he looked like he was holding himself back from using them.

 

“You’re going there for a heist.”

 

It wasn’t a question because Barry already knew the answer. He either came across the plans or someone told him, which didn’t seem likely given how few people knew about this particular job. That didn’t matter though, as Barry was in front of him and visibly furious.

 

He needed to damage control, now. That look in Barry’s eyes wasn’t one he’d seen before, even with all the other times he’d managed to piss off his partner. Len was in deep shit this time.

 

“It’s after you leave, and I didn’t know I’d have to do it until after we made plans. I’d never involve you in anything like this. Hartley and Cisco need a prototype from Palmer Tech for the Firestorm matrix, and it’s not like I could get it anywhere else. You know Ronnie and Stein are still having trouble separating. I’ve got to do this one.”

 

Barry’s face was reddening the whole time, and every word Len said simply pushed him further away. He was literally putting as much space as the room allowed between him and Len. This wasn’t working, but Len didn’t have a better a idea. He just had to make Barry understand, and then he’d be able to get darkness out of Barry’s eyes.

 

“You think that matters?” snarled Barry. “That you’re waiting until after I leave to commit your felonies? You lied to me, Len! You made it seem like this was some sort of romantic gesture, and not some sort of twisted way to case out your next job.”

 

“It was a romantic gesture! I wanted to have time with just the two of us. You know that. I promise, the job came after. It’s always going to come after you,” Len promised him.

 

He tried to reach out for Barry’s clenched fist, but the younger man flinched away. It was like he actually thought Len would hurt him. Like Len would have been able to hurt him. Even without Barry’s abilities, he had to know Len would never raise a hand against him.

 

Len may be a liar, thief, and criminal, but he’d never hurt someone he loved, and Len definitely loved Barry. He was the only person to ever get under his skin this way, and Len never wanted anyone else. Barry had to know that.

 

“You say that all that time, but you don’t mean it. The Rogues come first for you, not me,” Barry argued back, shaking his head again.

 

He moved towards Len as he spoke, smiling sadly at him. All these quick changes in Barry were giving him emotional whiplash.

 

Len stayed still and bit his lip to hold back his screaming as Barry reached out for his hands this time, not wanting to spook Barry into moving away the same way he had when Len had reached for him. As it turned out, Len really should have been the one to jerk away. He didn’t want to accept this.

 

Barry wasn’t trying to hold his hand, and he hadn’t been simply clenching his fist either. Barry was giving back his keys.

 

“I can’t do this anymore. You won’t give up your Rogues, and I won’t be some sort of fucking mob wife playing second string to them.”

 

This couldn’t be happening. Not now, not to them. They were so fucking in love, and they’d worked through so much already. Barry couldn’t give up on them.

 

“Please don’t,” Len begged, tightening his grip on Barry’s hands so he couldn’t pull away. “Don’t give up on us, Barry. I love you, and I know you love me too. We can work through this.”

 

Barry didn’t relent though. He yanked away from Len, and walked out the door.

 

“I didn’t give up on us. I’m giving up on you, Leonard. Please let me,” Barry told him, crying as he spoke.

 

Len squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he possible. He couldn’t bear to watch Barry leave. It didn’t block on the slamming of the door anymore than he could stop his tears from leaking out anyways.

 

* * *

 

**_9:03 am, November 6, 2017 - CCPD Downtown Precinct, Central City_ **

 

“Barry! It’s so good to have you back. How are you feeling, son?” Joe asked him, pulling him to an embrace and squeezing him so tightly he couldn’t speak.

 

He was actually kind of impressed. Barry had barely made it through the doors of the CCPD before Joe had pounced on him. He must have been waiting for Barry by the entrance. Still, the need to breathe was important, so Barry pushed against his foster father in an effort to get him to pull away. Joe didn’t budge, and Barry was starting to see black spots.

 

“Let him go, Dad! You’re gonna suffocate him like that,” Iris scolded, breaking her father’s death grip before Barry actually passed out.

 

Barry was fully prepared to thank her for it, but she cut him off with an embrace of her own. Despite being a full foot shorter, she had no problem completely knocking the breath out of him too.

 

“Don’t you ever do that to us again. Family is supposed to look after you when you’re sick, dummy,” Iris chastised him, using her perfectly manicured nail to compliment her point when she drove it into his chest.

 

“Sorry, Iris. I was contiguous, and I didn’t want to get you sick too,” lied Barry.

 

It was worryingly easy. Now that Barry had made up his mind about what to do where Len and the Rogues were concerned, he found the fib slipping from his lips with an ease that he hadn’t found the entire time he’d been seeing Len the first time.

 

Joe scoffed, “Well if you end up that sick again, you better not keep us away. Or, at least not me. I don’t give a rats ass if I get sick, so long as I don’t have to worry like that again.”

 

“I promise, Joe,” Barry assured him. It wasn’t really a lie either since Barry wasn’t actually going to be getting sick. While they could be a pain in the ass, he couldn’t deny his powers came with a few perks. “Anyways, it’s great to see you two, but I’ve got a month’s worth of backlog in the lab, and I’m positive Julian’s made sure it’s almost entirely paperwork.”

 

Joe and Iris protested, as he expected, but they let him go without too many complaints. Barry was sure the familiar tuff of blonde hair he saw coming in as he walked up the stairwell to his lab probably helped. Barry had never been so thankful Iris started dating Joe’s partner, even if it had led to some insanely uncomfortable crime scenes when they’d first told Joe. It allowed him to shameless use their combined distractions to get away.

 

He should probably feel bad about that. Barry would have, and did really, the first time he’d been with Len. Now, Barry was just happy he could shield his family from the fallout. The Wests would all be far away by the time Barry was finished with his work for the day. He’d find a way to apologize to them later.

 

Hopefully, at least. If they wanted to hear what he had to say. Iris may even listen to him if he let her yell at him first.

 

“Allen. You know, I was starting to really hope you wouldn’t be back. I haven’t had to stay late to clean up one of your messes in a month, and it’s done wonders for my social life,” Julian snarked at him as soon as he entered their shared lab space.

 

“Good to see you too, jackass,” Barry jeered back.

 

A month ago, Barry would have said the same thing. It would have been mumbled under his breath though, and Julian obviously knew the difference.

 

“What the hell got into you, Allen?”

 

“Nothing you need to know about,” Barry told him.

 

Julian looked completely affronted. Barry couldn’t stop himself from laughing the ridiculous expression, especially not with how the look froze on his face when Barry shoved a needle in his neck to immobilize him. Once the silly little look disappeared and Julian’s face went slack, Barry shoved him out of his chair.

 

Caitlin was the one that made the toxin he’d used on Julian, so Barry didn’t have to worry about brain damage, or making sure the obnoxious jerk woke up. Admittedly, he probably shouldn't have let him fall like that, but it was better than punching him out. That was the plan Barry had been rooting for when the Rogues had put this job together yesterday. This was a nice compromise for not being able to punch Julian in his stupid, smarmy face.

 

“God, I should’ve done that years ago,” Barry mumbled to himself as he got to work.

 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d have to make this work, and there were several Rogues with records that he needed to get through. Thankfully, Cisco had been able to get a damned effective virus from a hacker friend of his in Starling. All Barry needed at this point was a bit of time for the flash drive he’d inserted to become fully synced to the CPPD, State, and Federal databases Julian’s computer had access to.

 

Cisco and Scudder were getting the physical evidence out of the precinct, STAR Labs, and Argus now that Barry had helpfully supplied the necessary locations. Ten minutes from now the every physical single physical and technologically based piece of evidence related to the Rogue would be completely absent from all law enforcement agencies, Barry’s included.

 

He’d made his choice, and Barry hadn’t regretted it for a moment. It was doubtful he ever would, not when he was siding with Len and his people. The metahumans of Central City will be safer than since before the Particle Accelerator first exploded and ruined their entire lives. Barry couldn’t believe it took him so long to get here, or that Len had been willing to wait for him.

 

Len wouldn’t have to worry about that any longer. Not with both of their CCPD records literally disappearing before Barry’s eyes. What Barry was doing wasn’t a permanent solution, but it was a start.

 

The Rogues were going to be causing all sorts of hell for the CCPD over the couple months. Barry couldn’t wait to help with it.

 

“Hey Barr, I heard you were… What the hell?”

 

Eddie stormed into his lab, a smile sliding off his face as he surveyed the scene in front of him. Barry was tempted to make up some sort of excuse, but there wasn’t anything he could say to talk his way out of this. Julian was obviously unconscious with Barry on his computer deleting the Rogues records. Which, unfortunately, Eddie could definitely see from the doorway.

 

At least Len had planned for this eventuality too.

 

“Hey, Eddie,” Barry greeted, awkwardly waving his right hand in hopes that it’d hide what his left hand was doing. Barry only had to distract Eddie long enough to press the send button on his phone, and the cavalry would pull him out.

 

“What’s going on?” Eddie wondered, crinkling his eyebrows as though he couldn’t conceive what was happening.

 

It was fairly obvious, but Barry appreciated Eddie doubting his own eyes because of their friendship. It was why so many people liked Eddie, as well as the reason Barry hadn’t minded when Iris had fallen head over heels for the detective. The man was too damned loveble for his anyone’s good.

 

There wasn’t any talking his way out of this one though, not even to someone as forgiving as Eddie was. Barry was a on a computer that wasn’t his own, with Julian unconscious on the ground, and files and visibly disappearing from the CCPD database.

 

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I didn’t want you to get involved in this,” Barry apologized with a grimace.

 

“Involved with what? Barry, are the Rogues threatening you? Because you know we won’t let anything happen to you or your family,” Eddied tried to tell him.

 

He was inching towards Barry slowly, obviously trying to move without Barry’s notice. Eddie didn’t want to scare him. He wasn’t even reaching for his gun. It was a stupid move for a cop in this situation, but that was Eddie. Once he truly cared for someone, he’d never stop.

 

Barry really liked that about him. He had a feeling it was going to be useful with his change in careers.

 

“I’m great, man. Better than I’ve been in a long time. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. Just promise me you’ll keep an eye on Joe and Iris, alright?” Barry assured Eddie.

 

Before Eddie could actually make his move, a loud other worldly sound erupted from behind Barry. Neither had time to react before Cisco pulled Barry through the breach.

 

Barry hated he couldn’t leave Eddie with a better impression when he disappeared. He and the Wests would be so worried, at least until they found out the extent of the damage this job had done.

 

Personally, he was thrilled. His first job with as a Rogues was a rousing success, assuming everyone else had done their jobs as thoroughly as he’d completed his. The flash drive he’d left behind had long enough to do it work. There was no shutting it down, not at this point.

 

Barry’s feet had barely touched the ground in Safehouse # 5 before Len had swept him into a tight embrace. There wasn’t a place in the world Barry felt more comfortable, even as Cisco pretended gag in the background. It wasn’t like he had any room to talk. Cisco and Lisa were disgustingly fond of PDA.

 

“You alright, Barr?” Len asked him, pulling him from his thoughts with a gentle kiss to Barry’s temple.

 

The kiss was sweet in the way Len never admitted that he was, and it settled Barry. It also wasn’t enough, so Barry pulled him into a proper kiss before Len could pull away to examine him more closely.

 

“Of course I am, Lenny. I’m with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think either here on on Tumblr at theoriginalicecreamqueen.


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